whooo hooo got my fuckin' period today-what a thrill I will be nice and crampy for the interview w/ the big macha. Right now I am sitting home ALONE. Yep, that is right - let me repeat that for all you readers out there hard of reading: ALONE!!! Let me tell you how thrilling this is. I am rarely ever alone at home and I used to relish in the quiet moments of life by pissing them away playing solitaire at the computer, pulling split ends, and other boring non-essential things. These days time alone means-WOW reading a short story! or gardening, or cooking without a 1 year old trying to crawl back up my vagina! Maybe I will even have time to read today.
I dropped the kids off late this am , as I will be picking them up later this pm since the interview is at 3:30. I figured I would pre-prepare dinner. (Let me tell you something this whole meal shit is HARD. I don't know how parents do this part. Pre prepare meals/menus. I am a whimsy cook. I don't know how to plan ahead-but I AM trying. Gd bless the slow cooker!) Anyway, I am now feeling almost guilty, but maybe not too guilty. Maybe I will even clean something in all this spare time I have! This sense of freedom is insane- I keep wondering where is the anxiety I usually have about getting everything done AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. I feel calm, maybe it is because my inner Naomi Camp-bell reared her ugly head yesterday. Yep, the monster came out. I screamed at my kids. I hate doing this because, well she is evil and my son is scared of her. But man does she get a 3 year old listening quick.
I digress, I ramble. I am writing about being alone and the absolute sense of solitude I am having. AAAAAHHHHHHH! What pleasure. I feel like the picture above: blue, tranquil,cool.
2 comments:
discipline is a good thing. maybe it would make things easier for you, your kids and everyone around you. I know you feel guilty about your inner Naomi Campbell, but you don't have to be a monster to create boundaries. you can do these things without blowing your top. it just takes time and that seems to be something you don't have.
I hope you get to spend more time alone so you can rejuvenate yourself and be more present for your kids when you are with them. That is important too you know.
good luck on the interview.
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