Update on Michael Sandy

Hey Roberta,

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate your concern. Things are overwhelming, but still manageable. Today
we spent the day on Long Island making the funeral arrangements with Mike's parents at the Funeral Home. They are such
sweet, humble, loving, softspoken people...the apple didnt fall far from the tree.

There will be a rally at City Hall tomorrow at 5pm. More info on that here:

Our dear friend Michael Sandy died on October 13 due to injuries from an attack on Sunday October 8. He turned 29 on Thursday, October 12.



A Memorial service and a Tribute is being organized and will be announced.

A Rally is scheduled to take place at 5 p.m. on Monday at New York City Hall.

The rally is being sponsored by People of Color In Crisis, the New York State Black Gay Network, Gay Men of African Descent, the New York City Anti-Violence Project and the National Black Justice Coalition.

contact : Friends.of.Michael.Sandy@gmail.com for updates and to be counted.

"Right now I'm in a transitional stage, which I feel we all go through at certain moments in our live to get to a better place...."
-Michael Sandy

How I almost killed the oven

Well Dear Bloggernauts, I did something so ridiculous today that I just have to post about it.

I almost killed my oven while cooking a chicken. I was so impressed with my organizational skills today-that as I proudly put the chicken in the pre-heated oven and thought, hey why don't I go an work out-oh if I do that I should be safe and LOCK the oven. So I pulled the lever to lock it and thought to myself, damn this is hot AND the lever sticks far out, maybe this isn't a good idea.

In my head I was visualizing my three year old trying to swing from the lock and getting a 3rd degree burn. So, I decided to unlock it-the thing is - the lever was stuck in the locked position. Not because I broke it, but because the visualization of the three year old swinging from it actually took place sans the 3rd degree burn (TG). And I guess his weight on it bent something inside the oven.

I tried diligently to un-stick it and well it would not become unstuck. The horrors of having a dead garlic stinking chicken in my oven overnight and till morning became so worrisome. My kid has a playdate tomorrow with a girl whose mother I haven't met yet-I will be JUDGED. I will be found out at my kids school that I truly am the biggest loser of a mother! This was my worry. Not the actual smell. (Which I think would be horrible since I recently found that the stink in the corner of the dining room was my giant soup pot that someone moved there (my mother) with out realizing there was still chicken soup stuck to the sides of the pot-chicken and garlic left out to rot really rots....) So I will say I was worried. So worried that I actually got my husband involved (after I bent the lock some more). He got out the: flashlight, hammer, three screwdrivers (2 flat head and 1 phillips) a wrench, pliers and a HACKSAW! Now mind you we just spent $650 on both of our cars for a hose and some tires-the last thing we need is a new stove, but yes the HACKSAW. I went downstairs to work out confident in my husband’s ability to work the stove.

1/2 hour later he came down and said he turned the stove off. What! off, no way-this is a freaking hormone free chicken and I actually used the mortar and pestle to mash the garlic and parsley. Just call me weekend suzy effin homemaker. No way were we losing this baby-not to mention the play date scenario I was worried about. So I ran upstairs, used the flashlight & realized what the problem was. I informed my husband and then took a shower (no need to add to the stench). I got out of the shower heard him banging away, ordered pizza and offered to hold the flashlight. He insterted two screwdrivers into the stove and used the pliers to tug at the lock - much to our astonishment it actually opened! Hooray! Chicken cooking, pizza for dinner!

I am totally amazed that we will have dinner already prepared for tomorrow! However-everyone is so tired that we can't go out on our big date to see The Departed. How sad-the whole reason I was cooking dinner early in the first place. It would've been our first movie in a theatre in almost 3 years! But at least we don't need a new oven...

I found this from the Have Fun Do Good blog

For all those interested in PVC free home check out this link:

update-Michael Sandy

Hey Roberta,

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate your concern. Things are overwhelming, but still manageable. Today
we spent the day on Long Island making the funeral arrangements with Mike's parents at the Funeral Home. They are such
sweet, humble, loving, softspoken people...the apple didnt fall far from the tree.

There will be a rally at City Hall tomorrow at 5pm. More info on that here:

Our dear friend Michael Sandy died on October 13 due to injuries from an attack on Sunday October 8. He turned 29 on Thursday, October 12.



A Memorial service and a Tribute is being organized and will be announced.

A Rally is scheduled to take place at 5 p.m. on Monday at New York City Hall.

The rally is being sponsored by People of Color In Crisis, the New York State Black Gay Network, Gay Men of African Descent, the New York City Anti-Violence Project and the National Black Justice Coalition.

contact : Friends.of.Michael.Sandy@gmail.com for updates and to be counted.

"Right now I'm in a transitional stage, which I feel we all go through at certain moments in our live to get to a better place...."
-Michael SandyI am so sad for this man and his family.

I don't know who this man Ben Patrick Johnson is, but his link was sent to me by a friend of Michaels. I found it moving.

Ben Patrick Johnson on Michael Sandy

Butt Paste for Everyone!

Last night well, lets just say I don't recall sleeping very well. Somewhere in the middle of the night I woke my husband up and told him to take the baby, that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The baby was nursing all night long for comfort. Everytime I put the damn binky in his mouth is spit it out and started sputtering. He soudned like a lawn mower that wouldn't start. My boobs and my hip needed a break. John took him out and I fell back to sleep for probably five seconds when I realized the older guy had also climbed into bed with us an was now tossing and turning. Why you ask? Well because we ran out of pull ups last night and I figured lets give this a whirl. Maybe if we get him to pee before bed he will stay dry all night-no such luck. My kid is a big pisser. We both woke up in a puddle.

I quickly changed him, threw down some towels and plopped down. Only to wake up again to a horrible chirping sound-the alarm....and the baby crying again. Teething is a drag for all parties. His tush is raw and his gums are sore. Butt paste for everyone!

Update on Michael Sandy

See above link for NYpost article on this story.


Apparently kids used the internet to lure this my friends friend Michael out. They pretended to be gay and than beat him, scared him into oncoming traffic, beat him some more and stole his money.

This comes from my friends blog it was written in honor of their friend who I don't know. I want to post this as I am and always will be appalled by senseless violence. I can't post the link anymore, as it is myspace and it doesn't work any more. Above however is the NYT link to this story.

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I thought it was important for me to share my blog with you all today. Please say a prayer or think good thoughts for Michael Sandy today.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 11pm
thought it was important for me to share my blog with you all today. Please say a prayer or think good thoughts for Michael Sandy today.
Thanks.

Today's Blog:


I told a friend, earlier today, that the word is hope. Today's word is, hope.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 11pm

I can't quite describe with any dictionary what today's news makes me feel. This morning when I woke up there was news on the television that North Korea was test-firing nuclear weapons. International Security is, once again, in jeopardy. Funny, that didn't seem so real, a real threat that is. I thought, eh, it will all work out. That's how these go.

I looked at my phone, it was beeping at me. The message from Nick said, "call me." He answered his phone on the first ring and told me that Mike Sandy, [his former roommate, and our friend] was in the hospital. Mike was beaten up by two "white guys" and then hit by a car on the Belt Parkway. I must admit, the tone in his voice reminded of me of a similar phone call I got four years earlier. The good news this time was that nobody was dead. Mike was hurt very badly, but alive! Mike's story is not easy to tell. I am not even sure it's my place to tell it. So I will rely on my perception of today's news, but I must warn you, it's not a happy ending. Well, at least for today.

I left my house around noon and drove down to Brooklyn. I fully expected to be in traffic since that would make everything just perfect, you know what I mean? Surprisingly it was easy driving. I made it to Williamsburg in one hour and three phone calls. It's a good thing I charged the phone in the car – I would be on it most of the day.

I was prepared, I thought. I had my large iced coffee, a bacon egg and cheese, clothes for tomorrow, the laptop and my school work. My function, as I saw it, was to walk the dog [that was something Mike would have been doing had this not happened] and take care of the food factor for the guys when they returned home from the hospital. After all it was a long night for them. They had gotten the news the night before, late, around 1 am. There was a knock at the door, detectives. They got the address by running Mike's license plate. They couldn't use his ID because it was stolen. The police shared the news. Needless to say, the two of them were devastated. They spent the evening gathering information for the police. Mike's parents' number had to be tracked down, which took Nick a bit of time and ingenuity to make tangible. Nick and Jason went to the hospital with two of the upstairs neighbors and waited with Mike's parents.

They waited all morning and were given no news. Mike was on a respirator after being revived by Emergency Workers at the scene. There was a witness, she called for help. Someone at the hospital told Jason if there was anyone to be thanked after all this, it was those Emergency Workers. I told Nick I would be at the apartment taking care of things for the dog and whatnot. He told me about the Press sniffing around at the hospital, but I wasn't prepared for what I experienced when I arrived at the door to the apartment. As I rounded the corner off Manhattan Ave onto Meserole, I noticed the press. Like vultures they were lurking outside armed with microphones, telephoto lenses and - a mildly concerned but mostly nosey kind of look on their faces. The first one to approach me as I walked up to the door was from ABC News, Kemberly something was her name. She asked if I had heard the news and who I was. I admit, I was taken completely by surprise and felt very much 'put on the spot' by this. That's what they do, I guess.
I politely answered, trying to say as little as possible. I said what came naturally to me. I told her that I was here to support the friends and that I know him as well. I replied that he is a sweet, sweet guy. I believe the exact words I used were "a guy with a big smile and an even bigger heart," adding as I walked through the doorway, "hopefully someone saw what happened and will report it to the police to help us find who did this." I walked into the apartment sort of shaken and feeling even more uncomfortable. Tony was home and he too was wary of what kind of spin the reporters were looking for. They were sniffing away at the possible "gay-bashing" angle of this story.

The reality is that nobody really knows what happened except for those involved and most importantly, Mike himself. Throughout the afternoon, bits and pieces of a story were coming to light. Jason said that he had spoken to Mike earlier, around 6, and told him he would call him later to hang out. Apparently Mike was parked in an area known to be a spot where gays go to cruise other gays. At about nine thirty there was an altercation between Mike and the "white guys." It is still anybody's guess how it began but that led to a physical fight in which, it is said, Mike was beaten up. Fleeing for his life, Mike ran. Likely dazed and confused, he wound up on the parkway it self, in traffic. A car struck him and he lay there in the road bleeding and badly beaten as the car drove off. That in itself is something I don't think anyone can imagine experiencing, I know I can't. But – there's more. One of the "white guys" ran out onto the roadway. He grabbed Mike and dragged his lifeless body to the median where he rummaged through his pockets - robbed him and left him there - to die. When I heard this, I thought – animals. People who could do this are animals. Thank God for the woman who called for help. Mike was revived, but not conscious. He was transferred to a nearby hospital and remains there on a respirator with no apparent brain function.

As I walked the dog with Nick tonight, before he left to go back to the hospital, I asked him if he realized the depth of Mike's situation. He did. I try not to think negatively, I try to keep hope. I am hopeful that Mike will recover and the animals that did this to him will be caught and punished. As I look through the messages that his friends have left him on his MySpace, I can't help but picture him sitting at the table eating Thai food, rubbing his scratch off ticket while watching Paula Abdul on the DV-R and laughing. I picture Mike skating - like a champion - on the ice in Central Park. As I recall the photographs I took of him on that day, I hope. I hope that all the pain and the anguish that today's news brings with it is soon replaced with another day and another chance to see Michael Sandy smile.

Counting my blessings

One is passed out on the couch
The other in his highchair
The spouse is at mass- (someones gotta believe)
Relief
a quiet house.

The Bushwackers

Hey click on the ? mark, I can't figure out how to properly load this URL pic onto my site, but I assure you it is freakin' hysterical-especially if you AREN'T a fan of Bush.

Yeah!

whooo hooo got my fuckin' period today-what a thrill I will be nice and crampy for the interview w/ the big macha. Right now I am sitting home ALONE. Yep, that is right - let me repeat that for all you readers out there hard of reading: ALONE!!! Let me tell you how thrilling this is. I am rarely ever alone at home and I used to relish in the quiet moments of life by pissing them away playing solitaire at the computer, pulling split ends, and other boring non-essential things. These days time alone means-WOW reading a short story! or gardening, or cooking without a 1 year old trying to crawl back up my vagina! Maybe I will even have time to read today.


I dropped the kids off late this am , as I will be picking them up later this pm since the interview is at 3:30. I figured I would pre-prepare dinner. (Let me tell you something this whole meal shit is HARD. I don't know how parents do this part. Pre prepare meals/menus. I am a whimsy cook. I don't know how to plan ahead-but I AM trying. Gd bless the slow cooker!) Anyway, I am now feeling almost guilty, but maybe not too guilty. Maybe I will even clean something in all this spare time I have! This sense of freedom is insane- I keep wondering where is the anxiety I usually have about getting everything done AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. I feel calm, maybe it is because my inner Naomi Camp-bell reared her ugly head yesterday. Yep, the monster came out. I screamed at my kids. I hate doing this because, well she is evil and my son is scared of her. But man does she get a 3 year old listening quick.

I digress, I ramble. I am writing about being alone and the absolute sense of solitude I am having. AAAAAHHHHHHH! What pleasure. I feel like the picture above: blue, tranquil,cool.

The interview

I go for another interview tomorrow with a different MD. I hope this one works out. Here is what I want: A part time job with a full time salary! HA HA

Ok how a bout a job where I work 8-3 everyday and when my kids go to regular school from 8-2:30. I want to be able to get a 401k,disability insurance,life insurance,education incentive,free onsite daycare-and 4 weeks vacation-paid. Hey if I got all this I could have another kid! Plus I want my husband to get the great paying job where we don't have to worry about mine anyway. So I can quit mine and write.

I so badly want a new career choice-I am putting this out there in hopes that change will come my way-here is to not being afraid of CHANGE! ( and I don't mean those annoying dimes and nickles at the bottom of my bag)

Things I Should Remember

As I bent down to pick up all the plastic container tops my one year old flung out of the cabinet with glee-I noticed the dirt and stains on the floor and cabinets. I quickly compiled everything together hoping he wouldn't notice I was putting them away. I was thinking about how stressed out I am about finding a job, about how hard it is being the primary wage earner for the family and wondering will I be able to get another job that pays so well? And thinking, how could they(my employers) do this to me after all I have done for them?

My son crawled over to me stood up,put his arms around me and proceeded to hug and kiss me with such sweetness that I couldn't help but think, that this was what I should be remembering, this was what I should be thinking about. I hugged him back and held onto him as he pounded my back, and I realized just how happy I truly am.

Shopping

Does anyone else out there get confused at Target? It is so big and bright and I can never figure my way out. I guess I don't shop there enough. I do recognize that they are all essentially laid out the same-but why so bright? It hurts my eyes. At least the people were nice that work there unlike at Petco where they are constantly under-staffed-its like going to Friendlys for your pet-the service is sooooo slow! That is it for my posting this weekend. I am simply too tired to think of anything else to say!

ugh

I am so freaking tired. The baby was up coughing from 1-3 am. I had him wrapped in my arms at one point elevated w/ 2 pillows. He finally passed out snoring away-flat on the mattress and I awoke half off half on the pillows to complete pain in my neck and shoulder. Had to go to work of course....now I have an interview tomorrow am-b.c. if you happing to read my blog hahahahaha you will know that well I lost my job. Now I have to interview to get a new job and I am just not feeling the greatest. I feel let down, unready, wishing wanting a new career and freaked out worried angst ridden over the financial impact the loss of my job will have on my family-and I need to go back to school to get my MSN so I can be more marketable. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN! All I want to do is write, write children's books, articles, essays, short stories. Someday I guess.

Dateline NBC To Catch A Predator

Every once in a while I see the Dateline segments about predators pedophiles on the internet and I get so upset. The plot goes that Dateline or someone else sends out an email in a chat room pretending to be a young boy or girl. Instantly this person is bombarded w/ email from older men. The men do really screwed up things, like send porn links, talk about sex, and eventually they talk the decoy into giving away the kids home address. They tell the decoy they will arrive w/ "gifts" alcohol, lingerie, webcams etc. The predator arrives at the house and comes in. Instead of finding a child they find Chris Hansen a reporter for Dateline who interrogates the pedophile with the transcript of the online conversation. All the men say they are coming over to help the child, or not have sex w/ the child etc. They basically lie. Than they leave the house and get arrested. They show them lying some more to the police, they show the police searching the vehicles finding drugs, alcohol and other "gifts". The show usually ends w/ the arrested men appearing before a judge. These are everday guys you see in the GENERAL POPULATION. Truck driver, doctors, a rabbi, software technician, Iraqi war vets. etc.

Every segment they pull in men. If Datelines Chris Hansen can do this so easily in random towns around america I just wonder how many men out there are that sick. It really bothers me that these guys think that this is ok. At the end of the last segment all the men were out on bail awaiting trial-gross!

So I came up w/ my own alternite version of what could happen: Instead of the investigative reporter at the house it could be a room full of mothers. These men will be interrogated first and afterwards the ones that really think they are going to have sex w/ an underage girl or boy will be drugged and the mothers operate on them installing an electronic buzzer inside their penis. This device will do two things both monitor where the guy is and also zap the guy everytime he gets an erection around young children. I mean zap him until he sizzles.This way everytime he goes to even think about harming a child his penis will be so hurting that he won't think of it again-and if he does well the zap gets more and more intense. I realize this is a little crazy and perhaps a little sick, but lets get real. These guys are sick and liars and the reality is, they will do this again if they have the opportunity. They are really never cured.

I would consider this a short story concept. As the mother of young children, I am very protective. I think as a country we need to have a more open dialogue about how not only protect our children, but how to solve the problem of pedophiles. Having sex with a child is not something that should be tolerated in any way in our culture. Hurting children is not something a civilized culture should allow and I am not sure why we do.

Misty Maine Afternoon

Inner Naomi Camp-bell

So, you know you are too tired when your inner Naomi Camp-bell rears her ugly head at your children, and for what? For simply not listening. How tired can you get? So tired, tired enough to yell when you don't believe in yelling, tired enough to get angry at a happy smiling 3 year old for not doing what a tired cranky 38 year old wants you to do. Oh man, how did this get to be so hard.

No I didn't pop a valium, have a vodka tonic or beat the shit out of them like some folks shouldn't. Instead I turned on the blessed coffee maker, made four pots and let them destroy the tupperwear cabinet. When they were done w. that and I was 2 cups into a jolt my older son announced it was pee pee on the potty time. So we ran for the potty, and called for the little guy (he just turned 1 and is teething something fierce) to crawl after us. He arrived just in time for the three of us the brush our teeth together. Than it was back down to the kitchen where I talked the big guy into cleaning up with me. At the end of it I was trying to remember what got me so upset to begin with. I love my children so much-but man oh man are they button pushers. Well really only the older one. The baby sometimes bites my nipple and laughs when he is done nursing. I tell him no and he cries when I put it away, but ya gotta set SOME limits!

Upper Lake Fall 2005
So it is pretty amazing the response you get when you tell people you were just laid off. "So how is work?" they say, "Funny you should ask,but I was just laid off..." I have been pretty positive in my responses to people only because I just don't want to get too down about this. It seems like people don't know what to say about that, like they are surprised you are so positive and they get thrown off track. As if they don't know what else to say besides the monologue of support they are ready to spew. Like they are all ready to feel sorry for myself and when I don't say it, they don't know what else to say.

Thing is, as positive as I am it is a lot of shit to deal w/ you know w/ family responsibilities etc. I am feeling super positive, probably because I just don't want to let it get me down. Maybe around the holidays when my husband is going to want to spend $$$ we don't have (as we are already in daycare debt). That is when I will get bummed out. We are living a credit card nightmare. I never in a million years imagined getting married, buying a house and having two kids even when both parents are working fulltime would put a family over the financial edge. I must've been ignoring that part of school-the part where they discussed the demise of the middleclass. Oh that's right this country doesn't like to talk about class issues.

So I figured eventually one of us would lose our job, I guess I always thought it was going to be my husband! Ha, what an ego I have.

MOMMYZOMBIE
Caffeine keeps me afloat.
caffeinated mommyzombie
arabica black
one cup too many
two cups too strong
I need my coffee
each and every morn
-----------
slanguage/
---------------
heatwave/urinestink/hothouse
errands to run
wipes-juicy-milky-coffee
pullups
bigboyundewear
funtowear
pottytime rug
white/wet/carpet
pissedonsofa
hothouseofurine
wakeupbaby
time to go
ammoniaodor
waiting at the door

Ok, so in the LETS BE CAREFUL OF WHAT WE WISH FOR CATEGORY

I was laid off yesterday. Somewhere deep inside I knew it was going to happen. As much as I was griping yesterday-I wasn't quite prepared for this. Funny thing is I was actually looking at the postings on line at area hospitals. I am an NP and I work in women's health care. The large teaching university hospital I work for in is debt-specifically the dept. I work for is 7million dollars in debt. They decided after a new dean came on to lay 10 people off from my area. I am one of the 10. Whoppeee! They also decided to give us a sevrerance package-I am very thankful for that.

Relief? stress? anxiety? all a part of my new concept of me. How do I mourn the loss of a job that I have had for almost 5 years? How do I provide financially to the needs of my family, what kind of health care insurance will we have? All of this is going thru my mind. I want to cry, I want to jump for joy. I can start fresh, I can look for something closer to home, better for our family, but then how will we pay for daycare for our kids. That is the part I am also worried about. Right now we are in debt for daycare around here my salary will be nowhere near as good as it was in NYC. Will we make enough? I just don't know. I am so just looking for a space to cry right now, but I can't seem to do it. I took today off and well I just wanted to be alone to think about things and here I am alone blogging unable to cry.

I hate my fucking job and I want to quit so badly-how do people do this? How do they work full time, have kids,function and take care of a family. It seems like we just cant do it. Between my husbands commute and mine life is just sucky. we fall asleep about 1/2 hour after the kids-wake up early and start the crap all over again-its like a fucking nightmare.I barely get to talk to my husband and the weekends are shot doing shit for the house. All our money goes to daycare and the mortgage-we are constantly trying to get out of debt. Is this what life is supposed to be about. Having just returned from vacation I finally realize just how stressed out I actually am. I hate this shit.