PMS perspective

I view PMS as the rose colored glasses being removed with a reality slap across my cheek. A monthly wake up call to wake up and take inventory of everything that is fucked up and needs to be fixed in my life. Afterwards I go back to my slackadaisical ways....


I came across a blog called lala land posting about PMS. I tried to leave a comment, but for some reason it would not post. I just can't resist losing my comment, b.c. I thought it was funny and true.

Easy Wind

To keep up with the theme of funny things out of the mouth of babes-I have heard a choice few lately and am willing to share.

A month ago my almost four year old son was visiting with his Nani and Poppop. While playing in the back yard he asked my husband "who is that" referring to the Virgin Mary statue in their yard. My husband said, "you know Mary, like on my chain" J walked up to the statue to have a closer look pronouncing I'm bigger!" and ran off happily to play. Leaving his Poppop and father laughing hysterically.

The same son loves Pigpen songs by the Grateful Dead. His father has been playing them a lot lately on the CD player and on his guitar. The other day I am sitting in the living room when my son J walks in singing a line out of Easy Wind: "ballin' that jack and drinkin' my wine" I burst out laughing as I could NOT believe what I was hearing. My son just looked at me and said "it's Pigpen mommy!" It would be pretty funny if he starts singing that at school!

Pig Pen singing Easy Wind

The baby (almost 2) is really getting good at his sentence structure. He likes singing his songs and repeating everything his brother says. So, I am sure I will soon have some funny things to write about what he says. Suffice to say they will be happening sooner than later as he noticed I had my period today (godforbid I should go to the bathroom alone-ever). In case any of you are eating I won't repeat what he said.....

drowning in puke and poop

So, I go back to work and what happens? The shit hits the fan - literally. The baby just stopped puking-projectile vomiting really on Sunday-when his brother decides it is his turn to start on Monday. The baby in sympathy really (I am guessing here) starts back up w/ the projectile puke. Suddenly I am running to the bathroom. I am cold, cramping -oh yes of course I am getting my period on top of everything else. The next morning-Tuesday I am supposed to go to work. I drag myself out of bed, shower and start getting ready realizing that I now hear my husband vomiting in the bathroom next to me.

Some people have parties, some go to music festivals we have puke festivals. I had to leave work early (only my second day) to come home and take care of my kids, because my husband could barely move. He is on the couch now moaning to god something about the "kiss of death" which really is his breath if you think about it. Oh roto virus why can't they find a cure for you???

american airlines:bring the baby a bottle of milk FIRST

We just got back from a mini family vacation. My dad took my two children and my sisters two kids plus three adults to St. Thomas. I spent three days swimming at Magens bay. It was a fabulous place to go with the kids. We all loved it. When my sister and her husband finally arrived I was actually able to swim without a kid in my arms, and I WENT ON KAYAK! I love kayaking. The last time I got to go was about five years ago.

So my worst return trip nightmare came true and I survived! We all went to the bathroom on the plane together. That is right this amazing mommy managed to squeeze a 31 lb 1 year old, a 38 lb 3 year old and a big ole mamma in the airplane bathroom. I was forced to bring the whole family. As the flight help people on American Airlines did not seem to care that I was flying alone with two very young children. They even refused to bring me milk for the baby until the tray came our way. By the time the tray came to our seat (we were in the middle of the plane) they had to go to the back of the plane twice and the front of the plane once just to fill a sippy and a bottle. If they had only brought it sooner....but they waited and my oldest was out of his mind at that point wanting MILKY! Much to the (UDDER) dismay of the entire cabin. Why did they make me wait? It wasn't like I could bring ANY LIQUIDS ONTO THE PLANE!!! Stupid wanks!

Back to the story at hand- The baby had a huge poop which my oldest son managed to share with the entire plane in repeat cycle about 15 times. Thus shaming me to get up and bring everyone to the bathroom just after the milk arrived. I had to make the mad dash then or I would end up stuck behind the food tray that was due next.

So we get to the bathroom and the baby barely fit on the table. I changed him as quick as I could without breaking his neck on the board and did so almost neatly. Next came the big boy, he had to poop too! Silly me I thought he only had to pee. Imagine trying to clean that! Next came momma, I didn't have to poop, or pee, I had to do something else which I have decided not to mention. Suffice to say it was not easy to do and my three year old was fascinated by the entire process. But I did it! I mean-Yes we did it! we did it together! Hooray! (to quote from Dora.)