working mamma blues

I am getting ready to go back to work....sigh. January 8th is my official return to the workforce date. While I am very excited I am also sad. My 3 yr old said to me "mommy I have a secret...I don't want you to go back to work, I will miss you." I almost cried. I explained to him that I have to work and that it is important. Still, I wish I didn't have to work so much. At least now my commute will only be 15 min. from home and about the same from the daycare. I think it will be an ok adjustment.

That being said I am now scrambling to finish all the things I need to get done before I get back to work:
1. put the pictures of the baby in his photo album-first 15 months of life
2. put family pictures from the past 17months in a photo album
3. order the above pictures from kodak
4. get the letter written for the book I wrote
5. pick a publisher for the book I wrote
6. print out the book I wrote and send it to a publisher
7. have lots of sex before I am too exhausted from working

I wrote a children's book that I am really excited about, but that I haven't had the chance to finish up and send out. I really want to do this because ever since I was a kid all I ever wanted to do was write a book (besides being the first female president of the US, a marine biologist and a nature photographer for national geographic...)

Tomorrow we are going to the American Museum of National History in NYC. So that means I have wed, thurs, and friday to get all the above done before I become workforce woman all over again.

WOO HOO I GOT A JOB!!!

Well, it has been a long time since I posted. Things have been a bit crazy on the home front. With personal family issues, and job hunting taking up most of my time. It is nice to finally get a moment to post and catch up on the writing. I have been listening to the Songbird CD by Willie Nelson and I can't get enough of it, plus the Neko CD I posted about awhile ago. The train song really is amazing.

I will not be posting about the family crisis shit, b.c. it is too personal. Suffice to say-we remain an intact unit and we will be fine. That being said I did get a job offer that I am very excited about. I will be working for one of my favorite organizations: Planned Parenthood! They are truly a great organization to work for, primarily because of the good work they do in the community. This is really wonderful news for me.

My sister is in town from New Orleans and the house is full of four boys running around. Two 3 yr olds and two 1 year olds. They are having a blast together and it is really nice to have them here. We are celebrating for the holidays. That is all for today. I haven't written a poem in ages either, that has gotten more difficult as my "real world" has collided a bit too dramatically with my "off work world".

I LOVE WILLIE NELSON!!!

Willie Nelson is amazing. His latest CD Songbird was released 10/31/06 (my last day of work) by Lost Highway Records. It is absolutely fabulous. His version of Stella Blue
is so moving. His voice strong yet wavering is still a sweet sweet sound. I haven't listened to a tons of Willie Nelsons music over the years, yet I have always been a fan. I love when he and Johnny Cash did songs together. This however is by far the best CD I have heard in a long time by any artist. I truly recommend this recording for any music fan. He is a true national treasure and we are blessed just to have his voice and music recorded so beautifully.

Much love to Willie - Here is to you and your beautiful voice!


interviewing is exhausting:


The interview went GREAT. Next follow up interview is this coming week. I had to quickly run up to the outlets to buy another top for my follow up interview. I am so psyched! On another note, the unemployment $$ seems to be dipping rather quick. I am down to $24 on the card. No wonder when I wanted to take out 60$ I was REJECTED. Nothing else to say, oh except the Rabbi busted on NBC to Catch a Predator was busted for being a pedophile and I think is getting 6 years in jail. PIG! I don't feel sorry for him, just his family. I know I know we should forgive all, but this guy should've known better. When just read my earlier post and you will see how I feel.

Burnt Chicken and Other Stories from the Homefront

I need to post, I am probably burning the chicken in the oven, but I NEED TO POST. This is like an addiction or something. The baby is asleep in the highchair-that's right the highchair. Not strapped in because the straps are broken. My other son is eating brown rice and lentils alone watching "Little Bear" on noggin. He doesn't want the chicken. I will not repeat that line, you can read it yourself. I know I left him alone with the TV. I hate the TV, but shit it is like a mini saviour just when you or your child needs to be saved.

What crazy things have happened this week? I ventured out into the shopping world with my workforce unemployment benefits card and made quite a few purchases. Spent a ton of $$ on BRAS it has been like 7 years since I bought a bra so imagine my surprise at how big my boobs are and how a good bra makes them saggy baggies look good again! It was worth the cash. I went to the dread toys R hideous toystore and was tortured into buying things-at least I donated some money to Toys for Tots. I felt better for doing that. Oh I also experienced the waky world of Michaels. That store that sells craft supplies and Christmas decorations. I wanted to make my son a big bucket of craft stuff for a gift b.c. he likes googly eyes, feathers and other messy stuff. They over charged me for an item by almost 9 bucks so I had to go back and deal. Besides waiting on line I had a weird interaction with a person I thought was normal. For some reason the transaction took about 20 minutes, because she thought when I said "cash back" I meant Michael's Gift Card. I don't plan on ever going back there again, and I am not quite sure why she thought cash is the same as a gift card. The manager was pissed, she had to come over about 5 times and wouldn't even acknowledge my "thank you" to her. Ah the holidays are here~!

I also argued with the grumpy librarian over a dollar I know I returned that stupid Diego dvd about dinosaurs on time!

Went food shopping and well it goes like this, I finally get to put half my food onto the belt when my son pops his head out of the little car for the cart and says "mommy I have to go potty" Under my breath, but loud enough for adults to hear I said "FUCK!" That is pretty bad to say in the A&P it just slipped out I swear1 I threw the food into the cart and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. We made it in time. I managed to keep the baby from touching anything and washed my older sons hands. A miracle. On the way out I complained to customer service that I can't afford to buy my milk at the A&P because the hormone free stuff is too expensive. The lady didn't care, but said she'd ask the manager for me regarding Tuscan milk, its cheaper than Horizon and doesn't have the hormones in it. Horizon has the nerve to charge over 5 bucks for 3/4 of a gallon of milk. Nervy wipes, I wish we could afford that, but not even with unemployment benefits is it worthy of a purchase. And whats with the 3/4 of a gallon deal, what a scam!

I just read that people are sick from eating at taco bell-not a surprise. I mean it is taco bell. But what the hell is going on around here. We are dying from spinach and refried beans because of e. coli? nasty poop bacteria. I mean why is it IN OUR FOOD SUPPLY. Is it just me or does it seem like this is happening more often?

I have an interview tomorrow that I am psyched about. I hope I will be prepared. I need sleep and shower and well it would be nice if I could put some makeup on before I left the house. We shall see.

Rambling Onwards-a discussion of death,finances and other fun facts

My baby is sleeping across my lap. I nursed him to sleep while I was on the computer. He is so heavy that my leg is asleep...It is Saturday night and my three year old is happily watching a Dora episode upstairs while his father strums away on the kid sized acoustic guitar. The kids like to play his guitar and kind of use their guitar as a step stool.

We had a great family day today. I love taking my children to stores now. They are so much fun. The three year old is so fascinated by stuff I take for granted. Like mannequins, fishing gear and lip balm. (I bought him is own one today and he is THRILLED that he as "makeup".) We were in the outdoor supply store looking for hat and mittens as he already lost his spider man hat that I bought at Target. The gloves were too big from the set-why I will never buy a hat/glove set again.
Anyway when we first got in the store he was so excited "look up mommy, look up" he yelled "kayaks!!!!". He knows I love kayaks,& he'd never seen one in a store before-especially not one hanging from the ceiling.

The baby just loves to walk around touching everything and refusing to hold my hand. He swats me away. I usually resort to putting him in the cart because he is just too difficult to contain in one place. Although I have discovered he loves eating at Starbucks b.c. he loves drinking the vanilla milk they sell there (Horizon). He has a blast sitting in the big chairs waving at all the people while eating his snacks. I only stop off at Starbucks because one day I forgot to pack a lunch for us and he was starving. He loved the fruit and cheese platter and it was better than going to a flippin' fastfood fest. The other time we went was the day I took him to the Peds office and had to wait a half hour for his medicine to be made up at the pharmacy. I figured an oatmeal raisin cookie and a cup of joe for me wouldn't be so bad.

I am adding this all in because I don't want the casual reader of my blog to think that a recently unemployed mamma such as my self typically has the luxury of hangin' at the local coffee establishment sucking down double espresso grande soymilk lattes and all. GUILT! At least I didn't use my "Workforce"atm/credit card at Starbucks, imagine if they were monitoring purchases and all and I get a call. "Ma'm this cards intended use is for paying bills, not sipping coffee!" and I would yell back "oh yeah than why do all the ATMs at the local OTBs accept this card without a fee!!!" (I looked up atm locations, my vice is coffee NOT gambling). Wow this is a ramblin' post.

ONWARD TO FAMILY
I made a huge mistake about three weeks ago asking my son which way he wants to go home after I picked him up from school. I asked if he wanted to go the caboose way or the cemetery way. He said cemetery and as usual he asked me what a cemetery was. This was the first time I had an example for him. Normally I just say it is a place where people are buried after they die. This time I said the same thing and then added a bit about someone who we are close to whose mother just died. Well I surely wasn't thinking. Death and Race are two topics I have been holding off on until I could figure out what was the best way to discuss them. We are still in the middle of Religion and that is hard enough. I did not mean to bring death into the mix just yet, but I did, and now we have to deal with it.

A child just does not understand the concept of "everyone will die at some point in time". That really doesn't sell to a three year old. So I am trying to figure out the best way to explain it without lying. Now every time he hears about death (we were watching a bit about Mama Cass and the whole part about how she died came up) he gets real quiet. I will ask him what he is thinking about and he usually says "I don't want you to die mommy". I am trying to tell him not to worry, that most people die when you get sick and old -older than nani and poppop is how I try to explain it. I have also tried to stop complaining around him about how old I feel and am trying to tell him that mommy and daddy are really young (for almost 40...). This way he doesn't think I am so old I am going to die anytime soon. The thing is, what if I do die from so sudden freak accident. Who will be there to explain all of this to him? I could just kick myself for bringing up cemeteries to begin with!

They should call themselves: OFFICE OF THE UNEMPLOYED

I am really starting to enjoy this stay at home shit. It is getting better every day, especially when I get to shower in the morning and drink a full cup of coffee.

So NYS dept of workforce freaks sent me a credit card/atm with money on it for my unemployment benefits. Yippee! Just in time for the holidays. 8 crazy nights plus Christmas in my house! Hows that for overdoing it? We try to be cool and not go nuts, plus the money will really help with the BILLS. But the fucks are making me go to a training session on finding a job.

I have only been out of work for a month and I just got my first unemployment cashola and now they want me to go on a Tuesday at 1 without even asking my opinion. We had to cut the daycare back to MWF only so as not to lose the kids spots, but also so if I have an interview there is a place for them to be. Now employment picks a date for me - nervy skanks - and what do I do? Bring the kids to the employment office? In their double stroller? What am I supposed to do?If I reschedule I could lose some money? Some crazy ass nonsense like that. I mean we can't AFFORD to send the kids to daycare everyday now and really what would be the sense of that if we did? I really am enjoying my children for once. Hell the baby is finally talking and is a total blast I don't want to miss out on this if I can help it.

Ok so what is the main complaint? That employment picks the date and time-I mean what if I had a JOB INTERVIEW on that date...why don't they ask? Ugh I can't wait to go and check it out. I am sure it will be worthy of a good post.

OMG I forgot to sign up for UNEMPLOYMENT

I haven't been able to blog in awhile seeing as I am now unemployed and have two children to entertain while I am home. We went to the zoo today and watched the bison try to play with the elk. Only the elk was too chicken to play. The train wasn't working and half the cool animals that my son wanted to see were gone b.c. it was too cold. So we went to the playground and I watched him race around this giant death trap with a gazillion other children who were much older. He of course fearless ran like a wild child and had a blast.

At one point a hysterical mother arrived fearing she lost her child. Apparently she walked away for a bit to do something (smoke a joint?) and told her 5 year old to keep an eye on the 2 year old. I am guessing the ages here by size. Anyway she is calling up someone on her cell, all the other parents are trying to help her look and finally she sees her kid. We were all thankful for that, but she says to no one in particular, "my mother had a dream I was going to lose you at the park" and I was thinking to myself, maybe that's because your mom knows you let your 5 year old watch the 2 year old.... I am not trying to be judgemental here but the place was packed and the kids were running around like crazed animals. Hows a 5 year old going to stayf focused in a situation like that.

Today was a beautiful sunny 65 degree east coast fall kinda day. As far as the park being so crowded goes, I was surprised to see so many people not working. Dads, grandparents and mothers. I am guessing they are all not recently laid off like yours truly. I am beginning to think not working isn't so horrible after all. Oh except for the $$$ issue.

When we arrived home I decided since the boys were asleep in the car I could roll down the windows let them snooze and rake. How productive - I would rather work outside than try to clean or cook. Four bags for the driveway alone. I figured all that exercise should be worth one beer. Right?

Shizer, I just recalled I am supposed to sign up for unemployment. I just don't want to-I will though we need the $$$$. I haven't heard back from my interview Monday. The job seems too grown up for me, but still I'd like to have the second interview to decide on my own.

Spouseometer is home now and he cooked up a mean quesadilla. He's watching curious george while I get a break. Halleafuckinlullah.