Thursday, November 30, 2006

They should call themselves: OFFICE OF THE UNEMPLOYED

I am really starting to enjoy this stay at home shit. It is getting better every day, especially when I get to shower in the morning and drink a full cup of coffee.

So NYS dept of workforce freaks sent me a credit card/atm with money on it for my unemployment benefits. Yippee! Just in time for the holidays. 8 crazy nights plus Christmas in my house! Hows that for overdoing it? We try to be cool and not go nuts, plus the money will really help with the BILLS. But the fucks are making me go to a training session on finding a job.

I have only been out of work for a month and I just got my first unemployment cashola and now they want me to go on a Tuesday at 1 without even asking my opinion. We had to cut the daycare back to MWF only so as not to lose the kids spots, but also so if I have an interview there is a place for them to be. Now employment picks a date for me - nervy skanks - and what do I do? Bring the kids to the employment office? In their double stroller? What am I supposed to do?If I reschedule I could lose some money? Some crazy ass nonsense like that. I mean we can't AFFORD to send the kids to daycare everyday now and really what would be the sense of that if we did? I really am enjoying my children for once. Hell the baby is finally talking and is a total blast I don't want to miss out on this if I can help it.

Ok so what is the main complaint? That employment picks the date and time-I mean what if I had a JOB INTERVIEW on that date...why don't they ask? Ugh I can't wait to go and check it out. I am sure it will be worthy of a good post.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

How Dirty is Your House?

Sooooo, I was trying to figure out why every time the baby sat down in the highchair little bugs would fly up and buzz around the chair. Fruit flies to be exact. Mortified that my child's butt might be harboring some sort of Pigpen like phenomenon I examined it carefully. Thankfully, nothing. Realizing that the flies weren't coming from him I looked a bit closer at his highchair and saw what a first glance looked like food. I picked up the insert and dusted it off, flipped it over and was HORRIFIED but what I saw-probably a months worth of banana goo and chicken lo mein pieces. On top of that I looked into the actual chair-even more disgusting, crumbs, chunks, and pieces of food I could not even identify. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed-lo and behold no more fruit flies. Pigpen he isn't, but perhaps I am not great at being a house cleaner...

Okay so I don't want my kids thinking I only wrote about gross things. I need to somehow document the amazing and fun things that happen here also. For instance my older son told me today he was having a celebration-all his animal puzzle pieces, three firetrucks, two dinosaurs (one wearing a rubber band which I think was a necklace), wags the dog, and a horse were invited. Alas, the baby and I weren't invited to the least not until we crashed the party.

The baby will walk into the bathroom, point to his toothbrush and say "teeth" he than sits down/rather plops down cross legged on the floor waiting for me to get his toothbrush ready so he can brush his teeth. As soon as I give it to him he starts laughing, jumps up and runs away trying to brush his teeth. He knows I want to catch him and attempt to actually brush his teeth, which he in reality can't stand.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yoko Ono's Appeal for PEACE

I read this today, while looking at my newspaper. It is not an advertisement you would normally read in the NY TIMES. Yoko Ono wrote this in a full page ad that appeared in Sunday's New York Times Week in Review section. It is an appeal for peace. I was so moved by the ad.

This Thanksgiving my mother had to remind us to give thanks for all the men and women serving in the armed forces fighting and dying. I think Yoko's appeal for peace is a much more beautiful and moving statement.

"December 8th is near again. Every year on this day, I hear from people all over the world who remember my husband John Lennon and his message of peace. They write to tell me they are thinking of John on this day and how he was shot and killed at the prime of his life, at age 40, when he had so much ahead of him.

To the people who have lost loved ones without cause: Forgive us for having been unable to stop the tragedy. We pray for the wounds to heal.

To the soldiers of all countries and all centuries, who were maimed for life or who lost their lives: forgive us our misjudgments and what happened as a result of them.

To the people who have been abused and tortured: forgive us for having allowed it to happen.

As the widow of one who was killed by an act of violence, I don't know if I am ready yet to forgive the one who pulled the trigger. I am sure all victims of violent crimes feel as I do. But healing is what is needed now. Let's heal the wounds together.

With deepest love, Yoko Ono Lennon, New York City 2006."

info courtesy of:


Saturday, November 25, 2006


What am I going to do without Lucky Louie- I love that show. HBO decided to cancel it. PLEASE do us all a favor and sign the petition to keep the show on or get in touch with HBO and email them yourself. I think Louie CK is a GENIUS. His humor is so fabulous. The characters on his show are amazing. They actually filmed this show LIVE. So hard to do. I was so impressed I didn't think HBO would even consider cancelling the show. And now, well sadly I will have NOTHING to watch on TV except South Park...


Friday, November 24, 2006

american airlines:bring the baby a bottle of milk FIRST

We just got back from a mini family vacation. My dad took my two children and my sisters two kids plus three adults to St. Thomas. I spent three days swimming at Magens bay. It was a fabulous place to go with the kids. We all loved it. When my sister and her husband finally arrived I was actually able to swim without a kid in my arms, and I WENT ON KAYAK! I love kayaking. The last time I got to go was about five years ago.

So my worst return trip nightmare came true and I survived! We all went to the bathroom on the plane together. That is right this amazing mommy managed to squeeze a 31 lb 1 year old, a 38 lb 3 year old and a big ole mamma in the airplane bathroom. I was forced to bring the whole family. As the flight help people on American Airlines did not seem to care that I was flying alone with two very young children. They even refused to bring me milk for the baby until the tray came our way. By the time the tray came to our seat (we were in the middle of the plane) they had to go to the back of the plane twice and the front of the plane once just to fill a sippy and a bottle. If they had only brought it sooner....but they waited and my oldest was out of his mind at that point wanting MILKY! Much to the (UDDER) dismay of the entire cabin. Why did they make me wait? It wasn't like I could bring ANY LIQUIDS ONTO THE PLANE!!! Stupid wanks!

Back to the story at hand- The baby had a huge poop which my oldest son managed to share with the entire plane in repeat cycle about 15 times. Thus shaming me to get up and bring everyone to the bathroom just after the milk arrived. I had to make the mad dash then or I would end up stuck behind the food tray that was due next.

So we get to the bathroom and the baby barely fit on the table. I changed him as quick as I could without breaking his neck on the board and did so almost neatly. Next came the big boy, he had to poop too! Silly me I thought he only had to pee. Imagine trying to clean that! Next came momma, I didn't have to poop, or pee, I had to do something else which I have decided not to mention. Suffice to say it was not easy to do and my three year old was fascinated by the entire process. But I did it! I mean-Yes we did it! we did it together! Hooray! (to quote from Dora.)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A reason to Boycott Delta!

Mir from blogher posted about Delta Airlines:

Please get your breasts out of our friendly skies

By Mir from WCS, 1:51 am, Wed 15 Nov 2006

I fly Delta Airlines all the time, but I'm thinking that I might not for much longer. Why? Well, apparently they kicked a woman off a flight for breastfeeding her baby.

good enough for me NEVER TO FLY DELTA AGAIN!
(Sorry Sean I know you work for them.....but they suck.)

I will be flying American this week and we shall see how they react. My 14 month old will need to nurse during take off and he is the size of a 2 year old....oh and I never use a blanket to nurse with him because he pulls it right off and starts playing with my nipple and laughing!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

fear of flying

I haven't posted in awhile - we are getting ready to go away for a family get together in St Thomas. The whole story of this trip is kind of interesting, but also too much to write about. All in all it is a free trip that I am having difficulty with because of the circumstances related to it. However I am also looking forward to being with my extended family.

I am also nervous about flying home alone with the kids. My dad will be with me on the flight down, its the return flight that makes me nervous. What do you do if you are on a 3hr plane ride w/ a recently potty trained 3 year old and a 14 month old that weighs 31 lbs. The bathroom will not accomodate all of us! I am a every two hr. pisser....oh jeez. Will the airline people watch a baby? I am thankful to get away. I was hoping this will jump start my career search...or maybe turn me into an instant new talent for finding a different type of job, or just have fun. My sister and her kids will also be there so I am looking forward to seeing them also. I am bummed my husband can't join us.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Train From Kansas City

Last night as I lay in bed I had multiple hysterical posts going on in my head. Unfortunately I was trying to sleep, but couldn't as my husband and baby were snoring in my ear. I should've gotten up to post, but felt it was better to try to sleep. Which is when everything started to itch on me everywhere. I hate that. Oh and Neko Case's cover of the The Train From Kansas City song was running across my brain in constant repeat. Thankfully I love the song. Her voice is lush and stunning. The way she sings the song is amazing. I am a huge fan and highly recommend her music to anyone interested.

Check her out here also at Bloodshot records. Home of fabulous musical talent.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Brown Bear, Brown Bear gets old(er)

So is it just me or is the "teacher" in the Brown Bear, Brown Bear book by Eric Carle getting older? She looks more haggard to me these days. I think I cans see her roots. She really needs a touch up, plus those dark circles under her eyes. Her lack of makeup, cranky face and wrinkled clothing make her look so tired, so unhappy. If she was my kids teacher I'd request a change. I mean I think she's even yelling at the kids.....wait, can one project onto a book?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

OMG I forgot to sign up for UNEMPLOYMENT

I haven't been able to blog in awhile seeing as I am now unemployed and have two children to entertain while I am home. We went to the zoo today and watched the bison try to play with the elk. Only the elk was too chicken to play. The train wasn't working and half the cool animals that my son wanted to see were gone b.c. it was too cold. So we went to the playground and I watched him race around this giant death trap with a gazillion other children who were much older. He of course fearless ran like a wild child and had a blast.

At one point a hysterical mother arrived fearing she lost her child. Apparently she walked away for a bit to do something (smoke a joint?) and told her 5 year old to keep an eye on the 2 year old. I am guessing the ages here by size. Anyway she is calling up someone on her cell, all the other parents are trying to help her look and finally she sees her kid. We were all thankful for that, but she says to no one in particular, "my mother had a dream I was going to lose you at the park" and I was thinking to myself, maybe that's because your mom knows you let your 5 year old watch the 2 year old.... I am not trying to be judgemental here but the place was packed and the kids were running around like crazed animals. Hows a 5 year old going to stayf focused in a situation like that.

Today was a beautiful sunny 65 degree east coast fall kinda day. As far as the park being so crowded goes, I was surprised to see so many people not working. Dads, grandparents and mothers. I am guessing they are all not recently laid off like yours truly. I am beginning to think not working isn't so horrible after all. Oh except for the $$$ issue.

When we arrived home I decided since the boys were asleep in the car I could roll down the windows let them snooze and rake. How productive - I would rather work outside than try to clean or cook. Four bags for the driveway alone. I figured all that exercise should be worth one beer. Right?

Shizer, I just recalled I am supposed to sign up for unemployment. I just don't want to-I will though we need the $$$$. I haven't heard back from my interview Monday. The job seems too grown up for me, but still I'd like to have the second interview to decide on my own.

Spouseometer is home now and he cooked up a mean quesadilla. He's watching curious george while I get a break. Halleafuckinlullah.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Stupid double stroller wouldn't fit thru the school door, but I managed to carry THE WORLDS LARGEST BABY (As my friend Casey calls him-and at 13 months weighing in at approx 31 lbs she is probably correct.), and get the three year old to stick close as we voted. My older son thought we were going to "boat", he couldn't understand why we were not near water. I tried to explain democracy to him and he said "hey there's a playground".

Anyway at 10am I was #77. Happily finished voting we ran off to the library-where apparently some people steal photos of kids, make obnoxo comments about moms going to the library with their kids, voting and a lot of other lamo comments.

Monday, November 06, 2006

where does this stuff come from???

My three year old son said:
I'm in a cemetery, I'm dead

My reply (I was trying to explain that being dead isn't a great thing to be:

blah blah blah plus you can't eat bologna if you are dead.

Could someone please just tell me how did this come out of my mouth-where did it come from? Has anyone else said anything this horrible/ridiculous?

my blog

I am working on two new blogs- I am having fun at wordpress and decided to post my blog while I work on another "dummy" version. The new one will be poetry for the most part. I am hoping this will inspire me to go back to writing poetry. I dunno why I do it. I don't think anyone really reads poems anymore. But I like to write in this type of verse.

The other one will probably be birdsword without poetry? I am not sure. Suggestions are always good.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


fat lazytired
drinking beer in the fast lane
tarred and weathered
buy me at momsrus
dinosaur discovery store
in the book of monsters

the space between here and

Friday, November 03, 2006


The story you will read from the NYT is so horrible I had to post about it. I cannot stop thinking about these kids. The story is by SHARON LaFRANIERE, she also narrates the
the video that moved me. I want to share it with anyone who reads this blog.

I have always been passionate about human rights, but mostly about the rights of children. I think if we as a global community are going to evolve in a compassionate and loving way we need to figure out how to protect and keep children out of harm. Whether this be in catching internet predators here in the US to keeping children in Africa out of indentured servitude, preventing children from being abducted, keeping young children safe from being turned into sex slaves all over different parts of the world, or overhalling the current system we have here in the US for foster care kids. I really believe as a culture, a nation a community that we must keep children safe. They are more than our future they are life. If children continue to be abused in such a way than the cycle of abuse will not simply continue, it will grow and become worse.

It has to stop somewhere and I am grapsing here, but I need to know that some where some how I / We can make a difference here and help to make some changes on this planet. I will take my free time to research and post about this subject and ways people can help. I will also post things that will be disturbing, but important for people to view to understand the severity of this problem. I want to make this committment, because I believe in the right to having a happy and healthy childhood for every child everywhere.

For now here are links supplied by the NYT for helping end global poverty

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Halloween Parade or Shitty Mommy Awards

So, apparently I am the only mom at my kids school that must work...because I missed his parade. And every freaking employee I bumped into on my way to pick him up said something like "man you are a shitty mom, your son missed you at the parade". Like I don't feel bad already, but shit did everyone have to make a big deal about it. It was my last day of work and I wanted to leave earlier-should've left earlier seeing as they laid me the fuck off. But I am a sucker and an ass and called every last patient before I left because that is the way I am and because the MD I worked for could be such an ass god forbid he calls his own effin patients....anyway I was late I missed it but really I was at WORK don't other women I mean parents work?????

It was supposed to be daycare that I sent him to, they informed me later they consider their place a "SCHOOL". Whatever-just take care of him and don't make me feel fucking guilty because I can't get to your goddamned fuckin' parade mother effers!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Chickarina Progresso Soup

An open letter to General Mills makers of Progresso soups.

Dear Progresso soup company,

Why must you fill your soup with that toxic supplement MSG? As a full time working mom I sometimes must be quickly creative in my dinner menu. I chose Chickarina one day at the supermarket neglecting to look at the label. MY kids LOVE the soup, but I don't love what I found on the label, MSG. So I beg you remove this from the product and while you are at it the equally disturbing corn syrup...when I make soup I don't add MSG or corn syrup and my kids LOVE it! I am sure Progresso fans will love this deletion from your soup also since it will be a much healthy version of a traditional classic.

I used to only serve Health Valley soups as a backup. But lately they have changed the flavor to an over use of BLACK PEPPER - on top of that I got the beef soup once and there was only one small piece of beef in it and it was marbleized with FAT.


Working Mom


That is it, I am DONE. My job ended yesterday on halloween. I am glad it is over-but now anxious aobut finding a new job. I know I have posted about this before, in anger etc. But now that reality has hit and well I am NERVOUS. However-I am also extremely thankful for it to be over. I really was getting sick and tired of that job onward to something new and exciting! And for now I can be a SAHM-and see how crazy that makes me. Will I have the sanity or caffeine to survive??? Wish me luck and feel free to offer up suggestions.