Friday, December 29, 2006

51$ later....

I decided to meet my cousin and her daughter in the city for a fun day at the museum of natural history on Thursday. The boys and I got into the car early in the am and drove in. Imagine my surprise at finding the supremo parking spot, right in front of a parking garage in NYC. I was thrilled! I got the boys out and into the stroller, called my cousin who was around the corner and looked up to see a street sweeping sign. Sure enough, I parked where the street sweepers were headed. I had to wait for my cousin before I could drive the car right into the lot where the rates were SURPRISE astronomical. 3 1/2 hrs later I was stuck w/ a $51 bill for parking!

Now let me say this, I had a phenomenal time. So, in the end although I had to pay a lot I was so happy to be out, walking in Central Park, going on the carousel and just having fun outdoors with the kids and family that it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. That being said, next time I drive into NYC I will pay better attention to the street signs. I mean look at it this way, at least I didn't get a $150 parking ticket or worse TOWED.

We didn't go into the museum because it was so packed I got claustrophobic just looking at it. Instead we walked around outside and were better for it. I think it would have been a bit much. We forgot about holiday tourist season, plus kids being out of school adds up to a huge nightmare for people who can got to the museum on a more regular basis. Next week we will try again....

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Whose got the Mutz with the Most?

I was so sick over Christmas that I didn't get to celebrate! I was so looking forward to my mother-in-laws meatballs, my sister-in-laws lasagna, my husbands mutz platter and cutting up an anti-pasta platter (food mostly provided by the in-laws who didn't want us to spend tons of money on the good stuff). Bummer. I can't even utter the words provolone or supprasatte without wanting to hurl. Oh well. I guess I will have to wait until the next time....So that is the post, five pounds lighter, starving, but no longer exploding. Life is good! At least I got to see my sister, her husband and the kids again before the long haul to New Olreans from NY.

Oh and if you don't know how to explain the crappy gift to your kid you know the one you bought on line and didn't realize would suck ass-well I told mine that every year Santa drops off a lemon. That's right a lemon. An accidental elfin mistake. Worked like a charm. Feel free to use it.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

43 things

I was going to work on a list for my 2007 resolutions. Instead my friend directed my to this site called 43 things I really like it a lot. It shows you with other people all over the world who are interested in doing the same things as you, plus it will set up an email reminder to let you know that you wanted to do a certain thing. Like mine is set up in a month to remind me about how badly I love to kayak, and how I want to start doing more of it next year.

You can cheer on other people, update your info, post to your blog (this isn't working for me in beta blogger for some reason) and just kind keep tabs on your list. If you are like me and don't really do a list b.c. you know you are a. not going to ever find the list, or b. too lazy to write one and think your memory is good enough to remember everything than I think this is the site for you. Check it out, it can't hurt!

The Wire

I must confess I love this show . The Wire on HBO is so good and disturbing and stressful. After I watch an episode I lay in bed eyes open trying to decipher all that I have seen. Is this real? Is this true to life? The agonizing violence and harsh reality of child neglect on the show zaps me in a way where my mind reels for hours afterwards. The cast is amazing, especially the kids. I am constantly blown away by them. The show is supposedly showing the gritty reality of Baltimore. I hope it is less realistic than exposed here.

Sometimes it is hard to hear the dialogue, especially when the baby starts fussing and I miss key comments. I think every word spoken on the show has meaning. It is one of those shows where you really can't miss a thing, you have to pay attention to all the details whether they are minor or not. Howard "Bunny" Colvin played by Robert Wisdom and Namond Brice played by Julito McCullum are my two current favorite actors on the show. I can't really say that though, I think all the actors on the show are really brilliant in their performances. Shakima Greggs played by Sonja Sohn is also amazing, but she seems to be less present lately. I have been watching since the first season and the turns that the show has taken are pretty drastic. All directions however are linked and I guess I can't say enough. I just wish I wouldn't stay up so late and watch it, b.c. I simply can't fall asleep afterwards.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Goodbye Chanukah, Hello Christmas!

Well things are finally getting back to some type of normal here, and I have had a chance to read my email. I checked out a note I received from It is an article the Joan Blades wrote about at the Huffington post regarding the need for social change in how we look at motherhood in the US. The post is called: Should Society Support Mothers Raising Children? and it elicited 147 responses. Many of them so negative they could only be considered anti-mother. I was shocked to see how many people out there are angry about motherhood. I haven't had a chance to really check out her follow up called Indiscriminate Breeders!?! This has already received 84 responses. I am sure it is equally heated.

As a working mom and full-time at that, I know that I was very angry after going back to work when my first child was born. I was angry that we have a president who is all about "family values" but who I believe doesn't support family values in the way I think is important. I mean, really I love working, belonging to a community and I enjoy being with my children. There has to be a better balance. Childcare needs to be more affordable. Work environment needs to be more "mom friendly". Life needs to be more fun and less stressful. I think Moms Rising is all about that and should be something we all check out. I mean where would we be without Mom? love her or hate her we wouldn't be here without her!

That being said, I also finally posted a new poem. I really would like to work on my poetry and creative writing more. Maybe I will post a list of goals? I hate those new year things, but it would be nice to do and check out in a year here. I mean I can't lose the paper if it is on a blog.

Tonight is the last night of Chanukah, and we will put up the Christmas lights and tree today. I enjoy celebrating both, and I am glad we didn't go crazy on the gifts this year. My husband and I went around the house and gathered up all the toys the kids are done with and sent them (the toys not the kids) to the Salvation Army. I also packed up the last of my maternity clothing and the baby clothing and sent that off to the clothing drop. We donated toys and money to toys for tots, I purchased bracelets from Invisible Children. To help support the children of Uganda and to give my nephew and nieces something that I think is important a gift that symbolizes helping others around the world. I also donated money to the local food bank. All this on my unemployment credit card. Thankfully that has been quite helpful this holiday season. I think if I didn't get the benefits we wouldn't be having this type of holiday.

Okay enough said, back to housecleaning, and maybe finally putting my photo album for the baby together, I mean he is only 15 months old. Don't you think it is about time???

Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 17, 2006


Well, it has been a long time since I posted. Things have been a bit crazy on the home front. With personal family issues, and job hunting taking up most of my time. It is nice to finally get a moment to post and catch up on the writing. I have been listening to the Songbird CD by Willie Nelson and I can't get enough of it, plus the Neko CD I posted about awhile ago. The train song really is amazing.

I will not be posting about the family crisis shit, b.c. it is too personal. Suffice to say-we remain an intact unit and we will be fine. That being said I did get a job offer that I am very excited about. I will be working for one of my favorite organizations: Planned Parenthood! They are truly a great organization to work for, primarily because of the good work they do in the community. This is really wonderful news for me.

My sister is in town from New Orleans and the house is full of four boys running around. Two 3 yr olds and two 1 year olds. They are having a blast together and it is really nice to have them here. We are celebrating for the holidays. That is all for today. I haven't written a poem in ages either, that has gotten more difficult as my "real world" has collided a bit too dramatically with my "off work world".

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I Hate Car Seats!!! F*&@! you LATCH SYSTEM!!!

Ok, so this is really a dramatic title, but I just realized after 3 years that I have been putting in the car seats all wrong. I finally noticed the very small writing on the britax latch system that the stupid things are supposed to be on a specific side of the car, not just any side. This wasn't in the installation booklet so imagine my surprise at reading it. I kept wondering why it was so difficult for me to loosen straps, but it was because I kept getting everything twisted. Guess what it also is super easy to move one latch over to the other side and you don't even have to loosen any straps or anything.

So have I put my kids in danger all this time when I thought I was being safe? . Well I finally took they time out to focus on my children's safety and fixed the situation. I was supposed to take it to the cops for them to help me out, but I never got a chance, plus some cops just make me nervous. Maybe it is because I was arrested once...who knows. (Not you Jeff-you are the best!) I was also trying to take the car seats to the local hospital for installation, but I never got a call back. Anyway, I guess we can all be a little "Britney Spears" when it comes to car seats.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


Willie Nelson is amazing. His latest CD Songbird was released 10/31/06 (my last day of work) by Lost Highway Records. It is absolutely fabulous. His version of Stella Blue
is so moving. His voice strong yet wavering is still a sweet sweet sound. I haven't listened to a tons of Willie Nelsons music over the years, yet I have always been a fan. I love when he and Johnny Cash did songs together. This however is by far the best CD I have heard in a long time by any artist. I truly recommend this recording for any music fan. He is a true national treasure and we are blessed just to have his voice and music recorded so beautifully.

Much love to Willie - Here is to you and your beautiful voice!

interviewing is exhausting:

The interview went GREAT. Next follow up interview is this coming week. I had to quickly run up to the outlets to buy another top for my follow up interview. I am so psyched! On another note, the unemployment $$ seems to be dipping rather quick. I am down to $24 on the card. No wonder when I wanted to take out 60$ I was REJECTED. Nothing else to say, oh except the Rabbi busted on NBC to Catch a Predator was busted for being a pedophile and I think is getting 6 years in jail. PIG! I don't feel sorry for him, just his family. I know I know we should forgive all, but this guy should've known better. When just read my earlier post and you will see how I feel.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Burnt Chicken and Other Stories from the Homefront

I need to post, I am probably burning the chicken in the oven, but I NEED TO POST. This is like an addiction or something. The baby is asleep in the highchair-that's right the highchair. Not strapped in because the straps are broken. My other son is eating brown rice and lentils alone watching "Little Bear" on noggin. He doesn't want the chicken. I will not repeat that line, you can read it yourself. I know I left him alone with the TV. I hate the TV, but shit it is like a mini saviour just when you or your child needs to be saved.

What crazy things have happened this week? I ventured out into the shopping world with my workforce unemployment benefits card and made quite a few purchases. Spent a ton of $$ on BRAS it has been like 7 years since I bought a bra so imagine my surprise at how big my boobs are and how a good bra makes them saggy baggies look good again! It was worth the cash. I went to the dread toys R hideous toystore and was tortured into buying things-at least I donated some money to Toys for Tots. I felt better for doing that. Oh I also experienced the waky world of Michaels. That store that sells craft supplies and Christmas decorations. I wanted to make my son a big bucket of craft stuff for a gift b.c. he likes googly eyes, feathers and other messy stuff. They over charged me for an item by almost 9 bucks so I had to go back and deal. Besides waiting on line I had a weird interaction with a person I thought was normal. For some reason the transaction took about 20 minutes, because she thought when I said "cash back" I meant Michael's Gift Card. I don't plan on ever going back there again, and I am not quite sure why she thought cash is the same as a gift card. The manager was pissed, she had to come over about 5 times and wouldn't even acknowledge my "thank you" to her. Ah the holidays are here~!

I also argued with the grumpy librarian over a dollar I know I returned that stupid Diego dvd about dinosaurs on time!

Went food shopping and well it goes like this, I finally get to put half my food onto the belt when my son pops his head out of the little car for the cart and says "mommy I have to go potty" Under my breath, but loud enough for adults to hear I said "FUCK!" That is pretty bad to say in the A&P it just slipped out I swear1 I threw the food into the cart and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. We made it in time. I managed to keep the baby from touching anything and washed my older sons hands. A miracle. On the way out I complained to customer service that I can't afford to buy my milk at the A&P because the hormone free stuff is too expensive. The lady didn't care, but said she'd ask the manager for me regarding Tuscan milk, its cheaper than Horizon and doesn't have the hormones in it. Horizon has the nerve to charge over 5 bucks for 3/4 of a gallon of milk. Nervy wipes, I wish we could afford that, but not even with unemployment benefits is it worthy of a purchase. And whats with the 3/4 of a gallon deal, what a scam!

I just read that people are sick from eating at taco bell-not a surprise. I mean it is taco bell. But what the hell is going on around here. We are dying from spinach and refried beans because of e. coli? nasty poop bacteria. I mean why is it IN OUR FOOD SUPPLY. Is it just me or does it seem like this is happening more often?

I have an interview tomorrow that I am psyched about. I hope I will be prepared. I need sleep and shower and well it would be nice if I could put some makeup on before I left the house. We shall see.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Rambling Onwards-a discussion of death,finances and other fun facts

My baby is sleeping across my lap. I nursed him to sleep while I was on the computer. He is so heavy that my leg is asleep...It is Saturday night and my three year old is happily watching a Dora episode upstairs while his father strums away on the kid sized acoustic guitar. The kids like to play his guitar and kind of use their guitar as a step stool.

We had a great family day today. I love taking my children to stores now. They are so much fun. The three year old is so fascinated by stuff I take for granted. Like mannequins, fishing gear and lip balm. (I bought him is own one today and he is THRILLED that he as "makeup".) We were in the outdoor supply store looking for hat and mittens as he already lost his spider man hat that I bought at Target. The gloves were too big from the set-why I will never buy a hat/glove set again.
Anyway when we first got in the store he was so excited "look up mommy, look up" he yelled "kayaks!!!!". He knows I love kayaks,& he'd never seen one in a store before-especially not one hanging from the ceiling.

The baby just loves to walk around touching everything and refusing to hold my hand. He swats me away. I usually resort to putting him in the cart because he is just too difficult to contain in one place. Although I have discovered he loves eating at Starbucks b.c. he loves drinking the vanilla milk they sell there (Horizon). He has a blast sitting in the big chairs waving at all the people while eating his snacks. I only stop off at Starbucks because one day I forgot to pack a lunch for us and he was starving. He loved the fruit and cheese platter and it was better than going to a flippin' fastfood fest. The other time we went was the day I took him to the Peds office and had to wait a half hour for his medicine to be made up at the pharmacy. I figured an oatmeal raisin cookie and a cup of joe for me wouldn't be so bad.

I am adding this all in because I don't want the casual reader of my blog to think that a recently unemployed mamma such as my self typically has the luxury of hangin' at the local coffee establishment sucking down double espresso grande soymilk lattes and all. GUILT! At least I didn't use my "Workforce"atm/credit card at Starbucks, imagine if they were monitoring purchases and all and I get a call. "Ma'm this cards intended use is for paying bills, not sipping coffee!" and I would yell back "oh yeah than why do all the ATMs at the local OTBs accept this card without a fee!!!" (I looked up atm locations, my vice is coffee NOT gambling). Wow this is a ramblin' post.

I made a huge mistake about three weeks ago asking my son which way he wants to go home after I picked him up from school. I asked if he wanted to go the caboose way or the cemetery way. He said cemetery and as usual he asked me what a cemetery was. This was the first time I had an example for him. Normally I just say it is a place where people are buried after they die. This time I said the same thing and then added a bit about someone who we are close to whose mother just died. Well I surely wasn't thinking. Death and Race are two topics I have been holding off on until I could figure out what was the best way to discuss them. We are still in the middle of Religion and that is hard enough. I did not mean to bring death into the mix just yet, but I did, and now we have to deal with it.

A child just does not understand the concept of "everyone will die at some point in time". That really doesn't sell to a three year old. So I am trying to figure out the best way to explain it without lying. Now every time he hears about death (we were watching a bit about Mama Cass and the whole part about how she died came up) he gets real quiet. I will ask him what he is thinking about and he usually says "I don't want you to die mommy". I am trying to tell him not to worry, that most people die when you get sick and old -older than nani and poppop is how I try to explain it. I have also tried to stop complaining around him about how old I feel and am trying to tell him that mommy and daddy are really young (for almost 40...). This way he doesn't think I am so old I am going to die anytime soon. The thing is, what if I do die from so sudden freak accident. Who will be there to explain all of this to him? I could just kick myself for bringing up cemeteries to begin with!

Friday, December 01, 2006

December 5th Call Starbucks!

10 Reasons Starbucks Should Go rBGH-Free

Top 10 Reasons Starbucks Should Switch to Milk Produced without the Artificial Growth Hormone rBGH

  1. It Makes Cows Sick
    rBGH increases the risk of infections in cows
  2. It May Make You Sick
    When cows have infections they are treated with common antibiotics such as penicillin. Increased antibiotic use in food animals is a serious problem and contributes to the growth of antibiotic resistant bacteria, which make you sick and are harder to treat.
  3. It May Cause Problems in Humans
    When cows are injected with rBGH it increases another hormone, called IGF-1, in the cow and the cow's milk. Too much IGF-1 in humans is linked with increased rates of colon, breast and prostate cancer. While it's not clear that rBGH given to cows increases IGF-1 in humans, why take the chance just so dairies can produce more milk?
  4. It's Banned Elsewhere
    RBGH is banned in Canada, Japan, Australia, New Zealand and ALL 25 Countries in the European Union.
  5. Starbucks is a “Socially Responsible Business”
    Starbucks markets itself as a “socially responsible business and stated that it “ practices that produce social environmental and economic benefits for Starbucks communities globally.” These practices should also include treating cows humanely an providing customers with milk produced without genetically engineered hormones
  6. The Impact Would Be Huge
    Demand breeds supply. Starbucks, can require that dairies selling to them stop using rBGH. Starbucks can expand the market for rBGH-free milk as it did for Fair Trade Coffee. If Starbucks made the switch to rBGH-free milk it would send a strong message to the dairy industry about consumers distaste for recombinant bovine growth hormone.
  7. Starbucks Can Afford It
    Starbucks is in a position to spend a few cents more per gallon of milk. In 2005, its profit were almost $500 million, and one-year net income growth was 26 percent. In just one year it sold over $6 billion worth of goods.
  8. Starbucks has already acknowledged that there needs to be a change
    In a 2001 letter to the Organic Consumers Association, Starbucks pledged: “Starbucks will begin to offer RBST-free milk as an option upon request... we expect rBST-free milk alternative will be available in all our company-owned U.S. Stores by the end of the summer.” Not much has happened since 2001, five years later, Starbucks still uses rBGH milk. Although Starbucks offers an organic milk upon request, the availability is not well publicized. Furthermore there is no rBGH-free option for bottled Frappaccino drinks and ice creams.
  9. Other Companies Are Doing It
    In the last several years, due to consumer demand and company ethics, many brands and dairies have pledged to be rBGH free. Ben & Jerry's and Tillamook Cheese both have banned the hormone and made their dairy producers pledge to ban rBGH with out going organic.
  10. Consumers Deserve Better!
    Milk made with out genetically-engineered hormones should be the standard, not a luxury item. Let your local Starbucks know that you deserve better and ask them to stop using milk from cows injected with rBGH!!

I got all of this from :

with a special thanks to Britt Bravo at Blogher

Thursday, November 30, 2006

They should call themselves: OFFICE OF THE UNEMPLOYED

I am really starting to enjoy this stay at home shit. It is getting better every day, especially when I get to shower in the morning and drink a full cup of coffee.

So NYS dept of workforce freaks sent me a credit card/atm with money on it for my unemployment benefits. Yippee! Just in time for the holidays. 8 crazy nights plus Christmas in my house! Hows that for overdoing it? We try to be cool and not go nuts, plus the money will really help with the BILLS. But the fucks are making me go to a training session on finding a job.

I have only been out of work for a month and I just got my first unemployment cashola and now they want me to go on a Tuesday at 1 without even asking my opinion. We had to cut the daycare back to MWF only so as not to lose the kids spots, but also so if I have an interview there is a place for them to be. Now employment picks a date for me - nervy skanks - and what do I do? Bring the kids to the employment office? In their double stroller? What am I supposed to do?If I reschedule I could lose some money? Some crazy ass nonsense like that. I mean we can't AFFORD to send the kids to daycare everyday now and really what would be the sense of that if we did? I really am enjoying my children for once. Hell the baby is finally talking and is a total blast I don't want to miss out on this if I can help it.

Ok so what is the main complaint? That employment picks the date and time-I mean what if I had a JOB INTERVIEW on that date...why don't they ask? Ugh I can't wait to go and check it out. I am sure it will be worthy of a good post.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

How Dirty is Your House?

Sooooo, I was trying to figure out why every time the baby sat down in the highchair little bugs would fly up and buzz around the chair. Fruit flies to be exact. Mortified that my child's butt might be harboring some sort of Pigpen like phenomenon I examined it carefully. Thankfully, nothing. Realizing that the flies weren't coming from him I looked a bit closer at his highchair and saw what a first glance looked like food. I picked up the insert and dusted it off, flipped it over and was HORRIFIED but what I saw-probably a months worth of banana goo and chicken lo mein pieces. On top of that I looked into the actual chair-even more disgusting, crumbs, chunks, and pieces of food I could not even identify. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed-lo and behold no more fruit flies. Pigpen he isn't, but perhaps I am not great at being a house cleaner...

Okay so I don't want my kids thinking I only wrote about gross things. I need to somehow document the amazing and fun things that happen here also. For instance my older son told me today he was having a celebration-all his animal puzzle pieces, three firetrucks, two dinosaurs (one wearing a rubber band which I think was a necklace), wags the dog, and a horse were invited. Alas, the baby and I weren't invited to the least not until we crashed the party.

The baby will walk into the bathroom, point to his toothbrush and say "teeth" he than sits down/rather plops down cross legged on the floor waiting for me to get his toothbrush ready so he can brush his teeth. As soon as I give it to him he starts laughing, jumps up and runs away trying to brush his teeth. He knows I want to catch him and attempt to actually brush his teeth, which he in reality can't stand.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yoko Ono's Appeal for PEACE

I read this today, while looking at my newspaper. It is not an advertisement you would normally read in the NY TIMES. Yoko Ono wrote this in a full page ad that appeared in Sunday's New York Times Week in Review section. It is an appeal for peace. I was so moved by the ad.

This Thanksgiving my mother had to remind us to give thanks for all the men and women serving in the armed forces fighting and dying. I think Yoko's appeal for peace is a much more beautiful and moving statement.

"December 8th is near again. Every year on this day, I hear from people all over the world who remember my husband John Lennon and his message of peace. They write to tell me they are thinking of John on this day and how he was shot and killed at the prime of his life, at age 40, when he had so much ahead of him.

To the people who have lost loved ones without cause: Forgive us for having been unable to stop the tragedy. We pray for the wounds to heal.

To the soldiers of all countries and all centuries, who were maimed for life or who lost their lives: forgive us our misjudgments and what happened as a result of them.

To the people who have been abused and tortured: forgive us for having allowed it to happen.

As the widow of one who was killed by an act of violence, I don't know if I am ready yet to forgive the one who pulled the trigger. I am sure all victims of violent crimes feel as I do. But healing is what is needed now. Let's heal the wounds together.

With deepest love, Yoko Ono Lennon, New York City 2006."

info courtesy of:


Saturday, November 25, 2006


What am I going to do without Lucky Louie- I love that show. HBO decided to cancel it. PLEASE do us all a favor and sign the petition to keep the show on or get in touch with HBO and email them yourself. I think Louie CK is a GENIUS. His humor is so fabulous. The characters on his show are amazing. They actually filmed this show LIVE. So hard to do. I was so impressed I didn't think HBO would even consider cancelling the show. And now, well sadly I will have NOTHING to watch on TV except South Park...


Friday, November 24, 2006

american airlines:bring the baby a bottle of milk FIRST

We just got back from a mini family vacation. My dad took my two children and my sisters two kids plus three adults to St. Thomas. I spent three days swimming at Magens bay. It was a fabulous place to go with the kids. We all loved it. When my sister and her husband finally arrived I was actually able to swim without a kid in my arms, and I WENT ON KAYAK! I love kayaking. The last time I got to go was about five years ago.

So my worst return trip nightmare came true and I survived! We all went to the bathroom on the plane together. That is right this amazing mommy managed to squeeze a 31 lb 1 year old, a 38 lb 3 year old and a big ole mamma in the airplane bathroom. I was forced to bring the whole family. As the flight help people on American Airlines did not seem to care that I was flying alone with two very young children. They even refused to bring me milk for the baby until the tray came our way. By the time the tray came to our seat (we were in the middle of the plane) they had to go to the back of the plane twice and the front of the plane once just to fill a sippy and a bottle. If they had only brought it sooner....but they waited and my oldest was out of his mind at that point wanting MILKY! Much to the (UDDER) dismay of the entire cabin. Why did they make me wait? It wasn't like I could bring ANY LIQUIDS ONTO THE PLANE!!! Stupid wanks!

Back to the story at hand- The baby had a huge poop which my oldest son managed to share with the entire plane in repeat cycle about 15 times. Thus shaming me to get up and bring everyone to the bathroom just after the milk arrived. I had to make the mad dash then or I would end up stuck behind the food tray that was due next.

So we get to the bathroom and the baby barely fit on the table. I changed him as quick as I could without breaking his neck on the board and did so almost neatly. Next came the big boy, he had to poop too! Silly me I thought he only had to pee. Imagine trying to clean that! Next came momma, I didn't have to poop, or pee, I had to do something else which I have decided not to mention. Suffice to say it was not easy to do and my three year old was fascinated by the entire process. But I did it! I mean-Yes we did it! we did it together! Hooray! (to quote from Dora.)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A reason to Boycott Delta!

Mir from blogher posted about Delta Airlines:

Please get your breasts out of our friendly skies

By Mir from WCS, 1:51 am, Wed 15 Nov 2006

I fly Delta Airlines all the time, but I'm thinking that I might not for much longer. Why? Well, apparently they kicked a woman off a flight for breastfeeding her baby.

good enough for me NEVER TO FLY DELTA AGAIN!
(Sorry Sean I know you work for them.....but they suck.)

I will be flying American this week and we shall see how they react. My 14 month old will need to nurse during take off and he is the size of a 2 year old....oh and I never use a blanket to nurse with him because he pulls it right off and starts playing with my nipple and laughing!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

fear of flying

I haven't posted in awhile - we are getting ready to go away for a family get together in St Thomas. The whole story of this trip is kind of interesting, but also too much to write about. All in all it is a free trip that I am having difficulty with because of the circumstances related to it. However I am also looking forward to being with my extended family.

I am also nervous about flying home alone with the kids. My dad will be with me on the flight down, its the return flight that makes me nervous. What do you do if you are on a 3hr plane ride w/ a recently potty trained 3 year old and a 14 month old that weighs 31 lbs. The bathroom will not accomodate all of us! I am a every two hr. pisser....oh jeez. Will the airline people watch a baby? I am thankful to get away. I was hoping this will jump start my career search...or maybe turn me into an instant new talent for finding a different type of job, or just have fun. My sister and her kids will also be there so I am looking forward to seeing them also. I am bummed my husband can't join us.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Train From Kansas City

Last night as I lay in bed I had multiple hysterical posts going on in my head. Unfortunately I was trying to sleep, but couldn't as my husband and baby were snoring in my ear. I should've gotten up to post, but felt it was better to try to sleep. Which is when everything started to itch on me everywhere. I hate that. Oh and Neko Case's cover of the The Train From Kansas City song was running across my brain in constant repeat. Thankfully I love the song. Her voice is lush and stunning. The way she sings the song is amazing. I am a huge fan and highly recommend her music to anyone interested.

Check her out here also at Bloodshot records. Home of fabulous musical talent.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Brown Bear, Brown Bear gets old(er)

So is it just me or is the "teacher" in the Brown Bear, Brown Bear book by Eric Carle getting older? She looks more haggard to me these days. I think I cans see her roots. She really needs a touch up, plus those dark circles under her eyes. Her lack of makeup, cranky face and wrinkled clothing make her look so tired, so unhappy. If she was my kids teacher I'd request a change. I mean I think she's even yelling at the kids.....wait, can one project onto a book?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

OMG I forgot to sign up for UNEMPLOYMENT

I haven't been able to blog in awhile seeing as I am now unemployed and have two children to entertain while I am home. We went to the zoo today and watched the bison try to play with the elk. Only the elk was too chicken to play. The train wasn't working and half the cool animals that my son wanted to see were gone b.c. it was too cold. So we went to the playground and I watched him race around this giant death trap with a gazillion other children who were much older. He of course fearless ran like a wild child and had a blast.

At one point a hysterical mother arrived fearing she lost her child. Apparently she walked away for a bit to do something (smoke a joint?) and told her 5 year old to keep an eye on the 2 year old. I am guessing the ages here by size. Anyway she is calling up someone on her cell, all the other parents are trying to help her look and finally she sees her kid. We were all thankful for that, but she says to no one in particular, "my mother had a dream I was going to lose you at the park" and I was thinking to myself, maybe that's because your mom knows you let your 5 year old watch the 2 year old.... I am not trying to be judgemental here but the place was packed and the kids were running around like crazed animals. Hows a 5 year old going to stayf focused in a situation like that.

Today was a beautiful sunny 65 degree east coast fall kinda day. As far as the park being so crowded goes, I was surprised to see so many people not working. Dads, grandparents and mothers. I am guessing they are all not recently laid off like yours truly. I am beginning to think not working isn't so horrible after all. Oh except for the $$$ issue.

When we arrived home I decided since the boys were asleep in the car I could roll down the windows let them snooze and rake. How productive - I would rather work outside than try to clean or cook. Four bags for the driveway alone. I figured all that exercise should be worth one beer. Right?

Shizer, I just recalled I am supposed to sign up for unemployment. I just don't want to-I will though we need the $$$$. I haven't heard back from my interview Monday. The job seems too grown up for me, but still I'd like to have the second interview to decide on my own.

Spouseometer is home now and he cooked up a mean quesadilla. He's watching curious george while I get a break. Halleafuckinlullah.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


Stupid double stroller wouldn't fit thru the school door, but I managed to carry THE WORLDS LARGEST BABY (As my friend Casey calls him-and at 13 months weighing in at approx 31 lbs she is probably correct.), and get the three year old to stick close as we voted. My older son thought we were going to "boat", he couldn't understand why we were not near water. I tried to explain democracy to him and he said "hey there's a playground".

Anyway at 10am I was #77. Happily finished voting we ran off to the library-where apparently some people steal photos of kids, make obnoxo comments about moms going to the library with their kids, voting and a lot of other lamo comments.

Monday, November 06, 2006

where does this stuff come from???

My three year old son said:
I'm in a cemetery, I'm dead

My reply (I was trying to explain that being dead isn't a great thing to be:

blah blah blah plus you can't eat bologna if you are dead.

Could someone please just tell me how did this come out of my mouth-where did it come from? Has anyone else said anything this horrible/ridiculous?

my blog

I am working on two new blogs- I am having fun at wordpress and decided to post my blog while I work on another "dummy" version. The new one will be poetry for the most part. I am hoping this will inspire me to go back to writing poetry. I dunno why I do it. I don't think anyone really reads poems anymore. But I like to write in this type of verse.

The other one will probably be birdsword without poetry? I am not sure. Suggestions are always good.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


fat lazytired
drinking beer in the fast lane
tarred and weathered
buy me at momsrus
dinosaur discovery store
in the book of monsters

the space between here and

Friday, November 03, 2006


The story you will read from the NYT is so horrible I had to post about it. I cannot stop thinking about these kids. The story is by SHARON LaFRANIERE, she also narrates the
the video that moved me. I want to share it with anyone who reads this blog.

I have always been passionate about human rights, but mostly about the rights of children. I think if we as a global community are going to evolve in a compassionate and loving way we need to figure out how to protect and keep children out of harm. Whether this be in catching internet predators here in the US to keeping children in Africa out of indentured servitude, preventing children from being abducted, keeping young children safe from being turned into sex slaves all over different parts of the world, or overhalling the current system we have here in the US for foster care kids. I really believe as a culture, a nation a community that we must keep children safe. They are more than our future they are life. If children continue to be abused in such a way than the cycle of abuse will not simply continue, it will grow and become worse.

It has to stop somewhere and I am grapsing here, but I need to know that some where some how I / We can make a difference here and help to make some changes on this planet. I will take my free time to research and post about this subject and ways people can help. I will also post things that will be disturbing, but important for people to view to understand the severity of this problem. I want to make this committment, because I believe in the right to having a happy and healthy childhood for every child everywhere.

For now here are links supplied by the NYT for helping end global poverty

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Halloween Parade or Shitty Mommy Awards

So, apparently I am the only mom at my kids school that must work...because I missed his parade. And every freaking employee I bumped into on my way to pick him up said something like "man you are a shitty mom, your son missed you at the parade". Like I don't feel bad already, but shit did everyone have to make a big deal about it. It was my last day of work and I wanted to leave earlier-should've left earlier seeing as they laid me the fuck off. But I am a sucker and an ass and called every last patient before I left because that is the way I am and because the MD I worked for could be such an ass god forbid he calls his own effin patients....anyway I was late I missed it but really I was at WORK don't other women I mean parents work?????

It was supposed to be daycare that I sent him to, they informed me later they consider their place a "SCHOOL". Whatever-just take care of him and don't make me feel fucking guilty because I can't get to your goddamned fuckin' parade mother effers!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Chickarina Progresso Soup

An open letter to General Mills makers of Progresso soups.

Dear Progresso soup company,

Why must you fill your soup with that toxic supplement MSG? As a full time working mom I sometimes must be quickly creative in my dinner menu. I chose Chickarina one day at the supermarket neglecting to look at the label. MY kids LOVE the soup, but I don't love what I found on the label, MSG. So I beg you remove this from the product and while you are at it the equally disturbing corn syrup...when I make soup I don't add MSG or corn syrup and my kids LOVE it! I am sure Progresso fans will love this deletion from your soup also since it will be a much healthy version of a traditional classic.

I used to only serve Health Valley soups as a backup. But lately they have changed the flavor to an over use of BLACK PEPPER - on top of that I got the beef soup once and there was only one small piece of beef in it and it was marbleized with FAT.


Working Mom


That is it, I am DONE. My job ended yesterday on halloween. I am glad it is over-but now anxious aobut finding a new job. I know I have posted about this before, in anger etc. But now that reality has hit and well I am NERVOUS. However-I am also extremely thankful for it to be over. I really was getting sick and tired of that job onward to something new and exciting! And for now I can be a SAHM-and see how crazy that makes me. Will I have the sanity or caffeine to survive??? Wish me luck and feel free to offer up suggestions.

Monday, October 30, 2006

I think I am in love with Tony Blair

Go! PM Tony Blair Go! I heard this thru the BBC on NPR this am. Per Mr. Blair :

Climate change fight 'can't wait'

I really hope the US takes a good look at this and we start to change policy and maybe even go back and SIGN THE KYOTO AGREEMENT!!!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Nipples on Ice

I was trying to read and post at the same time while nursing my baby. He kept popping his head off saying "mama?,mama!" like dammit pay attention to ME not the computer. I was feeling unsentimental and ignored him, I mean why can't a boob be enough???? I kept trying to cut and paste some links etc, at one point he completely fell off my lap, but was able to stand and staying nursing. In fact he never let go! Says alot about how horribly flexible motherhood has made my breasts. Anyway-I am almost done comments and everything when he clamps down and laughs at me as I cry out. I mean his little teeth are like vampire vice grips! OUCH! I said to him boobie bye bye and of course he cried-so I let him back on even though I swear he smirked when I said no biting....

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

NJ Supreme Court - take a vote/UPDATE

So the blog feministe has the complete update on how the vote went. Please read their post as it is way more complete analysis of the vothe than I could ever do here.

I am not really sure if it classifies as a yeah or nay but being hopefully optimistic on this matter I will say it is a yeah????. Thanks for the comments below. I am glad I didn't get any homophobic gay bashing stuff. That would've been totally pathetic and sad.

Ok, so I know a am being optimistic here, but I HOPE the NJ Supreme court will vote yes for Gay Marriage. What is your say on this? Yea, or Nay and why? Please feel free to post your comments below. GO Supreme Court GO!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I haven't posted in awhile, cuz I too bummed about losing my job. I am not feeling funny or thoughtful or idealistic, interesting or happy. Unhappily hungry is how I feel. I hate that I just want to EAT. I am awaiting a letter from HR regarding my lack of employment so I can get my family under health insurance from my husbands job. Right now we are under my plan b.c. I like it better. The new plan-who knows, at least we will be covered if the mother effin jerks at HR ever write the letter. They are certainly saying goodbye to me with a big F.U. Oh well what should I expect from such a place.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

How to say hello

I love this link, it tells you how to say hello all over the world.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Fountain o' Puke

Oh my god I so wanted to write a post last night, but I passed out in a puddle of drool. One beer and I am a gonner. How pathetic!

Well after coming home late from work and picking up the kids I thought it was going to be a great night. I mean hell it was a Friday night! Until my 3 year old coughed until he puked into the garbage pail. The little guy was imitating his big brother by coughing also. Later we sat down on the couch and the little one coughed some more. I said and I quote "what are you doing? imitating your brother?" and before I could get brother out fully he opened up his little cherub mouth and a fountain of puke poured out of him. Projectile style! The mix of curdled milk and other gross stuff ended up in my cupped hands, all over him, me and the couch. (I thought I was going to catch the puke! silly me.) I implored the three year old to pull himself away from the tv to grab a paper towel. He finally did and couldn't pull it off the roll-that is when I started gagging and almost joined in on the pukey party. The night just seemed to go downhill after that....

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

From Our Bodies Our Blog

October 17, 2006
Hate Crimes Against Girls: "Why Aren't We Shocked?"

The night of the murder of the Pennsylvania school girls, I turned off the television.

I'm generally a huge TV advocate who would rather discuss media representations than ignore them. But that night it seemed like death was everywhere, and I didn't want to watch. Three shows that I had landed on while absent-mindedly clicking the remote depicted violence against women. That was enough.

I tried that week to articulate the frustration that these killings managed to avoid scrutiny as hate crimes based on gender -- as pre-meditated mysoginistic acts. Two weeks later, New York Times op-ed columnist Bob Herbert tackles the issue head-on, challenging the cultural norms that contribute to the media's silence.

After noting that little of the coverage following the murders made much of the fact that only girls were targeted, Herbert writes, "Imagine if a gunman had gone into a school, separated the kids up on the basis of race or religion, and then shot only the black kids. Or only the white kids. Or only the Jews."

"There would have been thunderous outrage," Herbert continues. "The country would have first recoiled in horror, and then mobilized in an effort to eradicate that kind of murderous bigotry. There would have been calls for action and reflection. And the attack would have been seen for what it really was: a hate crime."

Unfortunately you need a NYT registration to read the column in full. Here's more of an excerpt from "Why Aren't We Shocked?":

None of that occurred because these were just girls, and we have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that violence against females is more or less to be expected. Stories about the rape, murder and mutilation of women and girls are staples of the news, as familiar to us as weather forecasts. The startling aspect of the Pennsylvania attack was that this terrible thing happened at a school in Amish country, not that it happened to girls.

The disrespectful, degrading, contemptuous treatment of women is so pervasive and so mainstream that it has just about lost its ability to shock. Guys at sporting events and other public venues have shown no qualms about raising an insistent chant to nearby women to show their breasts. An ad for a major long-distance telephone carrier shows three apparently naked women holding a billing statement from a competitor. The text asks, “When was the last time you got screwed?”

An ad for Clinique moisturizing lotion shows a woman’s face with the lotion spattered across it to simulate the climactic shot of a porn video.

We have a problem. Staggering amounts of violence are unleashed on women every day, and there is no escaping the fact that in the most sensational stories, large segments of the population are titillated by that violence. We’ve been watching the sexualized image of the murdered 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey for 10 years. JonBenet is dead. Her mother is dead. And we’re still watching the video of this poor child prancing in lipstick and high heels.

What have we learned since then? That there’s big money to be made from thongs, spandex tops and sexy makeovers for little girls. In a misogynistic culture, it’s never too early to drill into the minds of girls that what really matters is their appearance and their ability to please men sexually.

What Herbert is getting at is respect -- for childhood and for girls and women. We're so far along on what Herbert terms the "continuum of misogyny" that acts of violence against women merely need to be packaged pretty to be suitable for cultural consumption.

“Once you dehumanize somebody, everything is possible,” Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of Equality Now, tells Herbert. Indeed.

Posted by Christine C. at 10:49AM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My very first time

WVWV PSAs I was young, in college and so very ready. My friends and I were prepared, well read and informed. We new this was something essential to our futures and well we knew we were ready to DO IT. Really, eighteen years is a long time to wait.

Together we walked to our polling spot in Amherst, MA. It was a crisp fall day. Senator Kennedy was running and I was so excited. It would be my first time alone in a voting booth, having watched my parents do it for years. Afterwards pulling the lever and letting the curtain fall open I felt oddly dissapointed. It wasn't even presidential. Everything was over so quickly. I kept going over and over each step in my head- did I pull the right levers? Did I press the right buttons?

It wasn't until I matured some and realized that afterplay was also important. Watching the country turn red or blue on really does add to the excitement.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Update on Michael Sandy

Hey Roberta,

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate your concern. Things are overwhelming, but still manageable. Today
we spent the day on Long Island making the funeral arrangements with Mike's parents at the Funeral Home. They are such
sweet, humble, loving, softspoken people...the apple didnt fall far from the tree.

There will be a rally at City Hall tomorrow at 5pm. More info on that here:

Our dear friend Michael Sandy died on October 13 due to injuries from an attack on Sunday October 8. He turned 29 on Thursday, October 12.

A Memorial service and a Tribute is being organized and will be announced.

A Rally is scheduled to take place at 5 p.m. on Monday at New York City Hall.

The rally is being sponsored by People of Color In Crisis, the New York State Black Gay Network, Gay Men of African Descent, the New York City Anti-Violence Project and the National Black Justice Coalition.

contact : for updates and to be counted.

"Right now I'm in a transitional stage, which I feel we all go through at certain moments in our live to get to a better place...."
-Michael Sandy

Saturday, October 14, 2006

How I almost killed the oven

Well Dear Bloggernauts, I did something so ridiculous today that I just have to post about it.

I almost killed my oven while cooking a chicken. I was so impressed with my organizational skills today-that as I proudly put the chicken in the pre-heated oven and thought, hey why don't I go an work out-oh if I do that I should be safe and LOCK the oven. So I pulled the lever to lock it and thought to myself, damn this is hot AND the lever sticks far out, maybe this isn't a good idea.

In my head I was visualizing my three year old trying to swing from the lock and getting a 3rd degree burn. So, I decided to unlock it-the thing is - the lever was stuck in the locked position. Not because I broke it, but because the visualization of the three year old swinging from it actually took place sans the 3rd degree burn (TG). And I guess his weight on it bent something inside the oven.

I tried diligently to un-stick it and well it would not become unstuck. The horrors of having a dead garlic stinking chicken in my oven overnight and till morning became so worrisome. My kid has a playdate tomorrow with a girl whose mother I haven't met yet-I will be JUDGED. I will be found out at my kids school that I truly am the biggest loser of a mother! This was my worry. Not the actual smell. (Which I think would be horrible since I recently found that the stink in the corner of the dining room was my giant soup pot that someone moved there (my mother) with out realizing there was still chicken soup stuck to the sides of the pot-chicken and garlic left out to rot really rots....) So I will say I was worried. So worried that I actually got my husband involved (after I bent the lock some more). He got out the: flashlight, hammer, three screwdrivers (2 flat head and 1 phillips) a wrench, pliers and a HACKSAW! Now mind you we just spent $650 on both of our cars for a hose and some tires-the last thing we need is a new stove, but yes the HACKSAW. I went downstairs to work out confident in my husband’s ability to work the stove.

1/2 hour later he came down and said he turned the stove off. What! off, no way-this is a freaking hormone free chicken and I actually used the mortar and pestle to mash the garlic and parsley. Just call me weekend suzy effin homemaker. No way were we losing this baby-not to mention the play date scenario I was worried about. So I ran upstairs, used the flashlight & realized what the problem was. I informed my husband and then took a shower (no need to add to the stench). I got out of the shower heard him banging away, ordered pizza and offered to hold the flashlight. He insterted two screwdrivers into the stove and used the pliers to tug at the lock - much to our astonishment it actually opened! Hooray! Chicken cooking, pizza for dinner!

I am totally amazed that we will have dinner already prepared for tomorrow! However-everyone is so tired that we can't go out on our big date to see The Departed. How sad-the whole reason I was cooking dinner early in the first place. It would've been our first movie in a theatre in almost 3 years! But at least we don't need a new oven...

Friday, October 13, 2006

I found this from the Have Fun Do Good blog

For all those interested in PVC free home check out this link:

Thursday, October 12, 2006

update-Michael Sandy

Hey Roberta,

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate your concern. Things are overwhelming, but still manageable. Today
we spent the day on Long Island making the funeral arrangements with Mike's parents at the Funeral Home. They are such
sweet, humble, loving, softspoken people...the apple didnt fall far from the tree.

There will be a rally at City Hall tomorrow at 5pm. More info on that here:

Our dear friend Michael Sandy died on October 13 due to injuries from an attack on Sunday October 8. He turned 29 on Thursday, October 12.

A Memorial service and a Tribute is being organized and will be announced.

A Rally is scheduled to take place at 5 p.m. on Monday at New York City Hall.

The rally is being sponsored by People of Color In Crisis, the New York State Black Gay Network, Gay Men of African Descent, the New York City Anti-Violence Project and the National Black Justice Coalition.

contact : for updates and to be counted.

"Right now I'm in a transitional stage, which I feel we all go through at certain moments in our live to get to a better place...."
-Michael Sandy
I am so sad for this man and his family.

I don't know who this man Ben Patrick Johnson is, but his link was sent to me by a friend of Michaels. I found it moving.

Ben Patrick Johnson on Michael Sandy

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Butt Paste for Everyone!

Last night well, lets just say I don't recall sleeping very well. Somewhere in the middle of the night I woke my husband up and told him to take the baby, that I just couldn't handle it anymore. The baby was nursing all night long for comfort. Everytime I put the damn binky in his mouth is spit it out and started sputtering. He soudned like a lawn mower that wouldn't start. My boobs and my hip needed a break. John took him out and I fell back to sleep for probably five seconds when I realized the older guy had also climbed into bed with us an was now tossing and turning. Why you ask? Well because we ran out of pull ups last night and I figured lets give this a whirl. Maybe if we get him to pee before bed he will stay dry all night-no such luck. My kid is a big pisser. We both woke up in a puddle.

I quickly changed him, threw down some towels and plopped down. Only to wake up again to a horrible chirping sound-the alarm....and the baby crying again. Teething is a drag for all parties. His tush is raw and his gums are sore. Butt paste for everyone!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Update on Michael Sandy

See above link for NYpost article on this story.

Apparently kids used the internet to lure this my friends friend Michael out. They pretended to be gay and than beat him, scared him into oncoming traffic, beat him some more and stole his money.

This comes from my friends blog it was written in honor of their friend who I don't know. I want to post this as I am and always will be appalled by senseless violence. I can't post the link anymore, as it is myspace and it doesn't work any more. Above however is the NYT link to this story.


I thought it was important for me to share my blog with you all today. Please say a prayer or think good thoughts for Michael Sandy today.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 11pm
thought it was important for me to share my blog with you all today. Please say a prayer or think good thoughts for Michael Sandy today.

Today's Blog:

I told a friend, earlier today, that the word is hope. Today's word is, hope.

Monday, October 09, 2006, 11pm

I can't quite describe with any dictionary what today's news makes me feel. This morning when I woke up there was news on the television that North Korea was test-firing nuclear weapons. International Security is, once again, in jeopardy. Funny, that didn't seem so real, a real threat that is. I thought, eh, it will all work out. That's how these go.

I looked at my phone, it was beeping at me. The message from Nick said, "call me." He answered his phone on the first ring and told me that Mike Sandy, [his former roommate, and our friend] was in the hospital. Mike was beaten up by two "white guys" and then hit by a car on the Belt Parkway. I must admit, the tone in his voice reminded of me of a similar phone call I got four years earlier. The good news this time was that nobody was dead. Mike was hurt very badly, but alive! Mike's story is not easy to tell. I am not even sure it's my place to tell it. So I will rely on my perception of today's news, but I must warn you, it's not a happy ending. Well, at least for today.

I left my house around noon and drove down to Brooklyn. I fully expected to be in traffic since that would make everything just perfect, you know what I mean? Surprisingly it was easy driving. I made it to Williamsburg in one hour and three phone calls. It's a good thing I charged the phone in the car – I would be on it most of the day.

I was prepared, I thought. I had my large iced coffee, a bacon egg and cheese, clothes for tomorrow, the laptop and my school work. My function, as I saw it, was to walk the dog [that was something Mike would have been doing had this not happened] and take care of the food factor for the guys when they returned home from the hospital. After all it was a long night for them. They had gotten the news the night before, late, around 1 am. There was a knock at the door, detectives. They got the address by running Mike's license plate. They couldn't use his ID because it was stolen. The police shared the news. Needless to say, the two of them were devastated. They spent the evening gathering information for the police. Mike's parents' number had to be tracked down, which took Nick a bit of time and ingenuity to make tangible. Nick and Jason went to the hospital with two of the upstairs neighbors and waited with Mike's parents.

They waited all morning and were given no news. Mike was on a respirator after being revived by Emergency Workers at the scene. There was a witness, she called for help. Someone at the hospital told Jason if there was anyone to be thanked after all this, it was those Emergency Workers. I told Nick I would be at the apartment taking care of things for the dog and whatnot. He told me about the Press sniffing around at the hospital, but I wasn't prepared for what I experienced when I arrived at the door to the apartment. As I rounded the corner off Manhattan Ave onto Meserole, I noticed the press. Like vultures they were lurking outside armed with microphones, telephoto lenses and - a mildly concerned but mostly nosey kind of look on their faces. The first one to approach me as I walked up to the door was from ABC News, Kemberly something was her name. She asked if I had heard the news and who I was. I admit, I was taken completely by surprise and felt very much 'put on the spot' by this. That's what they do, I guess.
I politely answered, trying to say as little as possible. I said what came naturally to me. I told her that I was here to support the friends and that I know him as well. I replied that he is a sweet, sweet guy. I believe the exact words I used were "a guy with a big smile and an even bigger heart," adding as I walked through the doorway, "hopefully someone saw what happened and will report it to the police to help us find who did this." I walked into the apartment sort of shaken and feeling even more uncomfortable. Tony was home and he too was wary of what kind of spin the reporters were looking for. They were sniffing away at the possible "gay-bashing" angle of this story.

The reality is that nobody really knows what happened except for those involved and most importantly, Mike himself. Throughout the afternoon, bits and pieces of a story were coming to light. Jason said that he had spoken to Mike earlier, around 6, and told him he would call him later to hang out. Apparently Mike was parked in an area known to be a spot where gays go to cruise other gays. At about nine thirty there was an altercation between Mike and the "white guys." It is still anybody's guess how it began but that led to a physical fight in which, it is said, Mike was beaten up. Fleeing for his life, Mike ran. Likely dazed and confused, he wound up on the parkway it self, in traffic. A car struck him and he lay there in the road bleeding and badly beaten as the car drove off. That in itself is something I don't think anyone can imagine experiencing, I know I can't. But – there's more. One of the "white guys" ran out onto the roadway. He grabbed Mike and dragged his lifeless body to the median where he rummaged through his pockets - robbed him and left him there - to die. When I heard this, I thought – animals. People who could do this are animals. Thank God for the woman who called for help. Mike was revived, but not conscious. He was transferred to a nearby hospital and remains there on a respirator with no apparent brain function.

As I walked the dog with Nick tonight, before he left to go back to the hospital, I asked him if he realized the depth of Mike's situation. He did. I try not to think negatively, I try to keep hope. I am hopeful that Mike will recover and the animals that did this to him will be caught and punished. As I look through the messages that his friends have left him on his MySpace, I can't help but picture him sitting at the table eating Thai food, rubbing his scratch off ticket while watching Paula Abdul on the DV-R and laughing. I picture Mike skating - like a champion - on the ice in Central Park. As I recall the photographs I took of him on that day, I hope. I hope that all the pain and the anguish that today's news brings with it is soon replaced with another day and another chance to see Michael Sandy smile.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Counting my blessings

One is passed out on the couch
The other in his highchair
The spouse is at mass- (someones gotta believe)
a quiet house.

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Bushwackers

Hey click on the ? mark, I can't figure out how to properly load this URL pic onto my site, but I assure you it is freakin' hysterical-especially if you AREN'T a fan of Bush.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


whooo hooo got my fuckin' period today-what a thrill I will be nice and crampy for the interview w/ the big macha. Right now I am sitting home ALONE. Yep, that is right - let me repeat that for all you readers out there hard of reading: ALONE!!! Let me tell you how thrilling this is. I am rarely ever alone at home and I used to relish in the quiet moments of life by pissing them away playing solitaire at the computer, pulling split ends, and other boring non-essential things. These days time alone means-WOW reading a short story! or gardening, or cooking without a 1 year old trying to crawl back up my vagina! Maybe I will even have time to read today.

I dropped the kids off late this am , as I will be picking them up later this pm since the interview is at 3:30. I figured I would pre-prepare dinner. (Let me tell you something this whole meal shit is HARD. I don't know how parents do this part. Pre prepare meals/menus. I am a whimsy cook. I don't know how to plan ahead-but I AM trying. Gd bless the slow cooker!) Anyway, I am now feeling almost guilty, but maybe not too guilty. Maybe I will even clean something in all this spare time I have! This sense of freedom is insane- I keep wondering where is the anxiety I usually have about getting everything done AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. I feel calm, maybe it is because my inner Naomi Camp-bell reared her ugly head yesterday. Yep, the monster came out. I screamed at my kids. I hate doing this because, well she is evil and my son is scared of her. But man does she get a 3 year old listening quick.

I digress, I ramble. I am writing about being alone and the absolute sense of solitude I am having. AAAAAHHHHHHH! What pleasure. I feel like the picture above: blue, tranquil,cool.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The interview

I go for another interview tomorrow with a different MD. I hope this one works out. Here is what I want: A part time job with a full time salary! HA HA

Ok how a bout a job where I work 8-3 everyday and when my kids go to regular school from 8-2:30. I want to be able to get a 401k,disability insurance,life insurance,education incentive,free onsite daycare-and 4 weeks vacation-paid. Hey if I got all this I could have another kid! Plus I want my husband to get the great paying job where we don't have to worry about mine anyway. So I can quit mine and write.

I so badly want a new career choice-I am putting this out there in hopes that change will come my way-here is to not being afraid of CHANGE! ( and I don't mean those annoying dimes and nickles at the bottom of my bag)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Things I Should Remember

As I bent down to pick up all the plastic container tops my one year old flung out of the cabinet with glee-I noticed the dirt and stains on the floor and cabinets. I quickly compiled everything together hoping he wouldn't notice I was putting them away. I was thinking about how stressed out I am about finding a job, about how hard it is being the primary wage earner for the family and wondering will I be able to get another job that pays so well? And thinking, how could they(my employers) do this to me after all I have done for them?

My son crawled over to me stood up,put his arms around me and proceeded to hug and kiss me with such sweetness that I couldn't help but think, that this was what I should be remembering, this was what I should be thinking about. I hugged him back and held onto him as he pounded my back, and I realized just how happy I truly am.

Sunday, October 01, 2006


Does anyone else out there get confused at Target? It is so big and bright and I can never figure my way out. I guess I don't shop there enough. I do recognize that they are all essentially laid out the same-but why so bright? It hurts my eyes. At least the people were nice that work there unlike at Petco where they are constantly under-staffed-its like going to Friendlys for your pet-the service is sooooo slow! That is it for my posting this weekend. I am simply too tired to think of anything else to say!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


I am so freaking tired. The baby was up coughing from 1-3 am. I had him wrapped in my arms at one point elevated w/ 2 pillows. He finally passed out snoring away-flat on the mattress and I awoke half off half on the pillows to complete pain in my neck and shoulder. Had to go to work of I have an interview tomorrow am-b.c. if you happing to read my blog hahahahaha you will know that well I lost my job. Now I have to interview to get a new job and I am just not feeling the greatest. I feel let down, unready, wishing wanting a new career and freaked out worried angst ridden over the financial impact the loss of my job will have on my family-and I need to go back to school to get my MSN so I can be more marketable. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN! All I want to do is write, write children's books, articles, essays, short stories. Someday I guess.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Dateline NBC To Catch A Predator

Every once in a while I see the Dateline segments about predators pedophiles on the internet and I get so upset. The plot goes that Dateline or someone else sends out an email in a chat room pretending to be a young boy or girl. Instantly this person is bombarded w/ email from older men. The men do really screwed up things, like send porn links, talk about sex, and eventually they talk the decoy into giving away the kids home address. They tell the decoy they will arrive w/ "gifts" alcohol, lingerie, webcams etc. The predator arrives at the house and comes in. Instead of finding a child they find Chris Hansen a reporter for Dateline who interrogates the pedophile with the transcript of the online conversation. All the men say they are coming over to help the child, or not have sex w/ the child etc. They basically lie. Than they leave the house and get arrested. They show them lying some more to the police, they show the police searching the vehicles finding drugs, alcohol and other "gifts". The show usually ends w/ the arrested men appearing before a judge. These are everday guys you see in the GENERAL POPULATION. Truck driver, doctors, a rabbi, software technician, Iraqi war vets. etc.

Every segment they pull in men. If Datelines Chris Hansen can do this so easily in random towns around america I just wonder how many men out there are that sick. It really bothers me that these guys think that this is ok. At the end of the last segment all the men were out on bail awaiting trial-gross!

So I came up w/ my own alternite version of what could happen: Instead of the investigative reporter at the house it could be a room full of mothers. These men will be interrogated first and afterwards the ones that really think they are going to have sex w/ an underage girl or boy will be drugged and the mothers operate on them installing an electronic buzzer inside their penis. This device will do two things both monitor where the guy is and also zap the guy everytime he gets an erection around young children. I mean zap him until he sizzles.This way everytime he goes to even think about harming a child his penis will be so hurting that he won't think of it again-and if he does well the zap gets more and more intense. I realize this is a little crazy and perhaps a little sick, but lets get real. These guys are sick and liars and the reality is, they will do this again if they have the opportunity. They are really never cured.

I would consider this a short story concept. As the mother of young children, I am very protective. I think as a country we need to have a more open dialogue about how not only protect our children, but how to solve the problem of pedophiles. Having sex with a child is not something that should be tolerated in any way in our culture. Hurting children is not something a civilized culture should allow and I am not sure why we do.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Inner Naomi Camp-bell

So, you know you are too tired when your inner Naomi Camp-bell rears her ugly head at your children, and for what? For simply not listening. How tired can you get? So tired, tired enough to yell when you don't believe in yelling, tired enough to get angry at a happy smiling 3 year old for not doing what a tired cranky 38 year old wants you to do. Oh man, how did this get to be so hard.

No I didn't pop a valium, have a vodka tonic or beat the shit out of them like some folks shouldn't. Instead I turned on the blessed coffee maker, made four pots and let them destroy the tupperwear cabinet. When they were done w. that and I was 2 cups into a jolt my older son announced it was pee pee on the potty time. So we ran for the potty, and called for the little guy (he just turned 1 and is teething something fierce) to crawl after us. He arrived just in time for the three of us the brush our teeth together. Than it was back down to the kitchen where I talked the big guy into cleaning up with me. At the end of it I was trying to remember what got me so upset to begin with. I love my children so much-but man oh man are they button pushers. Well really only the older one. The baby sometimes bites my nipple and laughs when he is done nursing. I tell him no and he cries when I put it away, but ya gotta set SOME limits!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Upper Lake Fall 2005
So it is pretty amazing the response you get when you tell people you were just laid off. "So how is work?" they say, "Funny you should ask,but I was just laid off..." I have been pretty positive in my responses to people only because I just don't want to get too down about this. It seems like people don't know what to say about that, like they are surprised you are so positive and they get thrown off track. As if they don't know what else to say besides the monologue of support they are ready to spew. Like they are all ready to feel sorry for myself and when I don't say it, they don't know what else to say.

Thing is, as positive as I am it is a lot of shit to deal w/ you know w/ family responsibilities etc. I am feeling super positive, probably because I just don't want to let it get me down. Maybe around the holidays when my husband is going to want to spend $$$ we don't have (as we are already in daycare debt). That is when I will get bummed out. We are living a credit card nightmare. I never in a million years imagined getting married, buying a house and having two kids even when both parents are working fulltime would put a family over the financial edge. I must've been ignoring that part of school-the part where they discussed the demise of the middleclass. Oh that's right this country doesn't like to talk about class issues.

So I figured eventually one of us would lose our job, I guess I always thought it was going to be my husband! Ha, what an ego I have.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Caffeine keeps me afloat.
caffeinated mommyzombie
arabica black
one cup too many
two cups too strong
I need my coffee
each and every morn
errands to run
pottytime rug
time to go
waiting at the door

I was laid off yesterday. Somewhere deep inside I knew it was going to happen. As much as I was griping yesterday-I wasn't quite prepared for this. Funny thing is I was actually looking at the postings on line at area hospitals. I am an NP and I work in women's health care. The large teaching university hospital I work for in is debt-specifically the dept. I work for is 7million dollars in debt. They decided after a new dean came on to lay 10 people off from my area. I am one of the 10. Whoppeee! They also decided to give us a sevrerance package-I am very thankful for that.

Relief? stress? anxiety? all a part of my new concept of me. How do I mourn the loss of a job that I have had for almost 5 years? How do I provide financially to the needs of my family, what kind of health care insurance will we have? All of this is going thru my mind. I want to cry, I want to jump for joy. I can start fresh, I can look for something closer to home, better for our family, but then how will we pay for daycare for our kids. That is the part I am also worried about. Right now we are in debt for daycare around here my salary will be nowhere near as good as it was in NYC. Will we make enough? I just don't know. I am so just looking for a space to cry right now, but I can't seem to do it. I took today off and well I just wanted to be alone to think about things and here I am alone blogging unable to cry.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I hate my fucking job and I want to quit so badly-how do people do this? How do they work full time, have kids,function and take care of a family. It seems like we just cant do it. Between my husbands commute and mine life is just sucky. we fall asleep about 1/2 hour after the kids-wake up early and start the crap all over again-its like a fucking nightmare.I barely get to talk to my husband and the weekends are shot doing shit for the house. All our money goes to daycare and the mortgage-we are constantly trying to get out of debt. Is this what life is supposed to be about. Having just returned from vacation I finally realize just how stressed out I actually am. I hate this shit.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Ok, so I may be a little slow on the news, but this is ridiculous and I could not ignore this article,Sunday School Teacher Dumped for Being Female. When I first saw the link to it from Greg Prince's Blog I thought-well this must be out in the midwest or down south-but NOOOO it is in NY. Watertown, but still this is NY we are talking about. And the guy is a town councilman-man I'd vote him out of office fast if I lived in that town. Misogyny is as misogyny reads-I mean can this be anything else. This guy should not be part of public office. Check out his picture-you'd think he was an old man, but nope he is probably in his late 20's early 30's. City of Watertown

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Saturday, August 26, 2006

This is a must for all Neil Young and Steven Colbert fans!
Neil Young on the Colbert Report

So Pluto is no longer a planet. I will always remember the year pluto got demoted. Jacob turned 3 and Zach turned 1. This is a good way to remember stuff as it seems my memory is fading fast.

We took our younger son to see CSN&Y-it was a terrific concert oh except for the 50-60y/o stoned out drunk freaks, they were annoying. There is nothing more annoying than stoned/drunken AARP's from NJ. You'd think they would've been a bit better behaved at a hippy show, but nooooo! There was almost a fight at the next blanket over (cheap lawn seats), the woman was begging her male primate not to take someting out of his pocket-what was he going to pull at a PEACE concert-a gun? What a freak. At least she warned me she was going to smoke cigarettes - so that my child wouldn't inhale-he was probably contact high anyway from all the pot everyone was smoking around she warns me about her smoking, but not about her boyfriends violent behavior-there is some serious brain work for you. By the end of the show she was so wasted anyway-she would lurch over our blanket and yell "there's the baby!" as if we were her marker to find her own blanket-I guess we were!

Anyway the concert was great! Zach really loved it he danced and waved his binky in the air and even nursed at one point. They sang a lot of my favorite songs and of course "Lets impeach the president" - Lets why don't we!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


This is a terrific link to a interesting sound-listen thru sounds like aliens from a sci fi flick-or as the person who submitted it suggested CICADAS ON ACID

Wednesday, July 26, 2006


Who is the fool from Nevada that stated something along the lines that passing this bill (To stop teenage girls from going into another state to get an abortion if the state they live in requires parental consent.) is for the health of our daughters.

Senate Limits Interstate Abortions for Minors

How bout talking about birthcontrol in schools and making condoms easily available. What is wrong with our government. We are so up a woman's vagina when it comes to health care, but we won't even TALK about condoms. How hypocritical! dumbass hall of fame for John Ensign

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Early spring peacock in the zoo in paramus. Since this sighting all we see now at the zoo is the peacock chasing peahens on the rooftop.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

So far I've been pissed on, there's a broken glass in my sink and I've been invited to my 20th high school reunion all in one morning. So I didn't go to work today-big deal. I am exhausted. One beer and I go to bed at 8:30 wake up at 12:30 w. the baby nursing on me already. I never really fell back to sleep again. So I take a day off big whoop. At least one child is at summercampdaycareschool whatever they feel like calling it-as long as he has fun. The other is up in the crib-practically a miracle if you ask me-sleeping. I am a mommyzombie. Caffeine keeps me afloat.
caffeinated mommyzombie
arabica black
one cup too many
two cups too strong
I need my coffee
each and every morn
errands to run
pottytime rug
time to go
waiting at the door

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

on hold at work, what a drag...I am just not handling things well these days. Maybe writing about it will force me to focus. This whole fulltime work schedule/pt mommy schedule is really turning life upside down. I don't understand how we are supposed to do this and not go totally crazy. How did we end up in this situation? By "we" I mean society as a whole. I think working is very important, but I also think raising children is important and affordable childcare. It is crazy the cost-two kids in ft daycare is over $2,000 per MONTH. I have already paid tuition for college for my child that is almost 3. At one point I had to pay almost $1500 per month for ONE CHILD. WHat will I do when they actually do want to go to college and I dont' have any money. But who really care about this situation? Screw this I am tired of worrying about this or thinking about it-what will be will be. I would rather write about fun things.
Like-like what? What made me laugh today? no poop stories, no mole stories, no faat stories, I did wake up snuggling w. two beautiful children wrapped around me-that certainly makes me happy. Sooner or later something ridiculous will happen today and it will make me laugh, and I will write about it.
Otherwise this is the rant for today- or rather maybe I will list all the things I like to rant about-like Gay marriage and the sanctity of marriage. What a load of crap. What sanctity of marriage? What are we saying, that gay people can't have a sacred union? If marriage is a civil issue then sacredness should not matter. On the other hand what right does anyone have to say that gay peolple cannot have a sacred union? Who gets the final say on what is sacred anyway? Due to time issues: civil first, sacred second.
I think gay people have the same rights as any other person.If gay people want to get married they should be able to do so. Why does the religious right have such a stranglehold on this country. Why does religion have to control anything for that matter-I can't believe that religion can control what is obviously a state issue, and I cannot believe that the state would actually cave on this. Marriage is a civil issue-and excuse my naive interpretation, but if we are a civil nation Then we should behave as a civilized nation and give equal rights for all consenting adults.
I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I really think that the only reason we hear so much about this as being offensive is b.c. our country has been hijacked by a minority of religious fanatics that happened to gain enough control to get a president elected. I certainly hope the rest of the country can get it's act together and see that this has happened and stop it from happening next election. I want to continue living in a free society. Wow enough said for this lunch break I think...

Thursday, June 29, 2006

So I guess I can get kinda fancy w/ a blog-but I really don't have time for that...yet. I didn't wake up in pee today. Well, the little one did have a soaked diaper. I woke up w/ the little guy pulling my hair and smiling at me, while myolder child (not yet 3) had his hands wrapped in my hair. Man its a good thing Ihave a lot of hair, no wonder moms go bald after they have kids.

Nothing funny happened today-yet. Nothing made me cry on NPR today -yet. I haven't even had a chance to read the paper in a week or two. Oh, something did make me laugh. I was going to the bathroom this morning w/ my 10 m old sitting on the floor laughing at me . My 2+yearold comes running in w/ his Thomas the tank engine catalog and starts showing me all the trains he wants for his birthday. All I wanted to do was you know, poop. So much for quite time...oh and my husband came in too, just to keep the baby from closing the door on his fingers. Where were the neighbors, resident mole and my cat??? (obviously clueless about the mole or there wouldn't be one)